One-on-One: Making the most of the moments

A few years ago I found myself in 'parenting' conversation with a stranger. Her children were older than mine by about 10 years and she was telling me about The 12-Year Trip.  She and her husband took each child, at age 12, on a vacation of their choosing.  Beyond the fabulousness of being able to pay for that (cha-ching!), I found myself thinking of all the great places my little ones may choose.  My husband, the realist, decided that was a little extravagant for our family.  "Besides if we have money to do that let's just take a trip alone". Which we did (read about it here). And it was awesome.




I didn't, however, forget the notion of The 12-Year Trip, and when I found out that a trip to Las Vegas was going to be necessary for my son's soccer team I admit I was probably as excited as he was.  Although it has been a pretty good year for us, the idea of getting him to myself for three nights was really attractive.  I generally attend all his games, but I usually have his sisters (and sometime brother too) on the sidelines. The idea of a weekend 1:1 interspersed with soccer and food and some Las Vegas shenanigans was pretty cool.

Seriously who looks more excited?

One-on-one all my kids are fabulous, but as a crowd they can be a little much at times even for their mother. Just sayin' what we all feel. As a family we do what we can to steal away 1:1 time with the kids. My husband does daddy dates with the girls.  He also coaches JR's team now and they get lots of time away together.  He drives the carpool for Anthony's team giving him a chance to debrief each week as well.

I take lunch to the kids at school once a week. Their lunch times are back-to-back and I can sit at their table, share the meal and chat with them and their buddies.  If we want we can take the meal outside and sit alone which we do about 1/2 the time.

When Anthony left our parish school and started attending the local charter school, I lost my lunch time with him. We still have plenty of time together in the car, but often he is doing homework and his sisters are almost always around. He is up later than his siblings so we still get more time alone with him, but I am usually exhausted then.  As he grows physically in stature I am faced with a a physical reminder of the reality that my time with him is limited.  I feel as though I am going to blink and the next thing I know I will be packing his bags for college.

With this in mind, his soccer trip became OUR soccer trip and I planned out some great fun for the two of us.  We ate at the buffet, he rode his first roller coaster, he played soccer, rested, played more soccer and ate more fabulous food. We were able to do what we wanted without negotiating the desires of four other people and I was able to appreciate a kick-back attitude that I rarely notice at home.  As the eldest he is full of opinions on how we parents his siblings and we were able to talk those through just the two of us. I pushed him though his fear and made him ride his first REAL roller-coaster.  We found an amazing patio overlooking the strip for our last dinner in town and we had a wonderful meal with his coach's family.  I goofed up on directions (I zigged when we should have zagged) and we wandered and wondered and just had fun together.  For the first time, my son really experienced a real vacation- not just a family trip.

Taking him on this trip solidified something between us.  He is on my side now in a really cool way and I am appreciating it as long as it lasts.  Our time together let him see my humanity in a way that I don't think he sees often enough at home.  At home I am the cook, the cleaner (sometimes), the taxi driver, the shopper, the babysitter... I fill a number of roles and responsibility. This trip gave him a chance to see me aside from all of those roles and I was just me. I laughed, I loved, I supported, I ate, I wandered, I was easygoing. I didn't have to wipe noses or cut up food or worry about nap times or doctor appointment.  I could have a glass of wine and watch a football game with my son and just hang out. I could venture out for a morning cup of coffee and to his delight bring back a bagel for him to nosh on in bed.

One-on-one time with your growing ones is a beautiful gift.  As they get older that 1:1 time becomes ever more important because they are able to pay attention to who you actually are when you are not being pulled in 100 different directions.  Being a middle-child, I don't remember getting good 1:1 time with my parents until I got married, had a child, and moved away. They came to visit and it really was the first time I had more than a few hours alone with them. I cherish those days we had together and I hope Anthony remembers this trip and all of our special moments together.

How can you carve our special moments with each child? What special memories do you have of 1:1 time with your parents?

Thanks for stopping by!

Family Road Trip Survival Guide

Our most recent trip from Arizona through New Mexico and into the mountains of Colorado prompted my dear friend (who I will just call NW) and I to throw together this Road Trip Survival Guide. Before meeting us in Colorado, NW and her family of 8 took a huge trip from Arizona to Indiana and back again hitting up 10 states in the process. They are veteran road trippers (last year they went AZ to DC!) so I have taken notes from them, on this and many other areas of our parenting journey.  The result is this Family Road Trip Survival Guide. 

Plan Your Route

Spontaneity is great and all, but putting in a little extra time and energy to research the best route, complete with stops for food and fun can make or break a trip. Sometimes the best route is not the shortest route. A route that adds 30 minutes, but includes a great hotel for the night or an awesome hike can be a huge bonus. Interesting drives with elevation changes and changes in vegetation can also be great for the kid who just likes to look out the window. Hours of looking at the same landscape can make the driver a little bit crazy too.  Map your trip a few different ways and then look to see what works best. AAA will do a triptik for you online (click here) but if you want their free books and maps you have to be a member. You also need to order them weeks ahead of time. 

Stop Along the Way

Don’t be afraid to stop and let the kids run, hike, or play a while. Giving everyone a chance to get in a hour or so of play time or exercise with lift everyone’s spirits and reduce the overall grumpiness in the car.  Taking a decent stop will also break your driving up into two smaller trips rather than one big trip.  Give your kids and yourself the ‘goal’ of getting to the hike, not the end of the day stop.  Let them know you will drive for, say four hours, and then stop for a snack and a hike, or park with some equipment.

Where You Stay Matters

Where you stop to lay your head at night makes a difference.  We are huge fans of the Embassy Suites chain (book here).  They have two room suites and sleep 6 easily.  Each hotel has a manager reception in the evening complete with snacks and free adult beverages. After driving all day the last thing we want to do is make the kids sit in a restaurant. We want them to fill up on some healthy snacks and then head to the pool for a pre-bedtime swim.  We generally don’t buy dinner that night because after eating out for lunch and snacking all day in the car, we just need a little something in the tummies.  My man-child needs a little something more now that he is a teen, but that means only feeding one (not 6!).  When we have missed the reception (typically only goes to 7 or 7:30) we have ordered pizza and had it delivered to the hotel.  It is much cheaper than room-service and it is fun to eat poolside. 

The Embassy Suites can also contain all our family in beds and they have a free full-breakfast which is nice.  Dad can take the kids down to eat while I pack up (or vice-versa) and the children can fill their tummies before we hit the road.  We paid a little more for the room, but got dinner, drinks, and breakfast without a drive so it works for us. 

Books on Tape and Travel Apps

Find an app like Overdrive (click here) where you rent from the library and it is free.  You can link multiple libraries to the account. Audible (click here) is also great because it has a free initial trial period. You can down load a book and then turn it on when the kids start bickering on the second half of the day.  The story can lull the little ones to sleep and keep those bigger ones from complaining. Book ideas are at the end of this post. Just click on the title and it will bring you to the link.  My friend Phoebe also has a great app called PlateGames (click here).  Basically there are 4 different License Plate Bingo games you can download and play. 

Food Fun

Provide a little food fun for them along the way.  We are a mostly gluten-free family so we pack a mini-ice chest with salami and cheeses, fruit, beef jerky, and granola bars.  For our last trip I made blueberry muffins before we left and those were a big treat (although in hindsight they were a little too crumbly for the car!).

Reward System

A few years back when we had an Arizona-Oregon road trip during which we implemented a reward system called Daddy Dollars.  Each hour we give each child a Daddy Dollar. That Daddy Dollar is earned by good behavior. Hitting your sibling, complaining, whining, and asking “how much longer” are all behaviors that result in no Daddy Dollar for the hour.  Showing the virtues (prudence, justice, temperance, fortitude, charity, love, hope, self-control, sense of wonder etc.) result in extra daddy dollars. For instance, if our kids are looking out the window and express amazement at the beautiful scenery, they get an extra Daddy Dollar. If they help their sibling reach something – extra daddy dollar.  Anything that encourages them to look away from the i-pad and engage positively with the world around them gets them a Daddy Dollar. We are super generous with the dollars!  The last leg of a trip we often do a bonus hour because it is a lot harder to be nice when you have been driving all day. At each stop we let them look in the store (kept in the back of the car) and purchase items. The store is filled with coloring books, magazines, travel games, and even credits for the app store. Additionally we will let the older ones purchase junk food at gas stations using Daddy Dollars. It is vacation after all.

Something Special

As it the trip weren’t enough… it can be fun to do a little something extra for the kids.  I ordered a little pillow stuffing (amazon delivered it the same day!!) and picked up some cheep fabric at the fabric outlet, and made little pillows and a blanket for the trip.  I did break two needles and messed up my brothers machine after I broke mine (sigh), but in the end the kids each had a perfect size travel pillow for the trip.  I encouraged them to each bring a small (like baby blanket size) blanket in the car as well because we can NEVER agree on the right temperature for the car.  The kids were super excited about their pillows and it helped them create a cozy little nest in their space. It also kept them from trying to bring all their bedding (which they always want to do) in the car. 

Enjoy the Journey

Try to focus on the journey and not just the destination.  This is a tough one for us because my husband generally hates road trips. Like many adults he wants to just GET THERE already but that mentality can make 8 hours in the car with kids really miserable. I drove most of the way for the first time and that helped immensely because he got to relax. We got the National Geographic Roadtrip for Kids book (buy here) and it was great. The kids can follow along and see where we are on the trip and what the local landmarks are. The maps on our phone don’t generally have landmarks indicated, but if you bring a old-fashioned paper map the kids can mark the way as you go.  It can be really helpful for them to see where you are and how far they have come.

With just a little intentionality (okay a lot) you can turn your family trip into something that more closely resembles a vacation - if you don't know the difference click here. For tips on traveling with other families click here - I tell all about our first trip with NW and her fabulous family. 

Happy travels to you all & thanks for stoping by!

Great Audible Books for Download

The Hobbit 

Wonder

Matilda or anything by Roald Dahl 

Island of the Blue Dolphins

The Jungle Book

The Secret Garden
The Princess Bride

Anything by E.B. White

Anything by C.S. Lewis

The Chronicles of Narnia

Anything by Beverly Cleary

Roman Mysteries (Series)

The Little House on the Prairie (series)

Anne of Green Gables (series)

The Hardy Boys (series)
The Magic Treehouse (series)

The Lightening Thief (series)

Villainous Vegas Vacation

I recently spent a long weekend in Las Vegas, on The Strip, with my 12 year-old son.  This was not my first (or second or third) choice of venue, but we were traveling with his team for a soccer tournament.  After Facebooking (can I make that a verb?) my awesome Blessed is She sisters in the Southwest Region, I had enough tips for the trip to feel adequately equipped to deal with our trip to Sin City.  Las Vegas is a beautiful place surrounded by snow tipped mountains and blue sky.  The Strip was less beautiful and provided the backdrop for a lesson on the various dangers of gambling, lust, greed, gluttony and general hedonism. Places like Las Vegas prey on the weak.  They provide the invitation to sin, not just normalizing but encouraging immoral behavior.  Think of their slogan “What happens in Vegas stay is Vegas” - it is a statement of permission that normal rules (and morality) should be suspended. Although surroundings can encourage and facilitate sinful behavior, the evil driving our own sin comes from within each of us. 

In the book of Mark (7:23), Jesus instructs us that evil comes from within, not from outside.  

“But what comes out of the man, that is what defiles him.

From within the man, from his heart,

come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder,

adultery, greed, malice, deceit,

licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly.

All these evils come from within and they defile.”

Places and situations are not responsible for our sins – WE are. WE make the choices to engage in the sinful behavior that is harmful to our souls.  If we can accept that we are personally responsible for the choices we make, and that the evil comes from within, not outside, then we are intellectually and emotionally better equip for battling that evil. 

Surrounding ourselves with people and situations that will help us in our battles against sin is helpful and prudent, but it is not the only way to deal with the evil within.

What I Did on my Summer Vacation: Double-Dating in England

The kids are back in school (phew) and I have a moment to breathe in the serenity of a quiet (for now) home.  The last time I felt this relaxed was- oh, just a few weeks ago.  I had to look through my old posts to confirm the unbelievable - I hadn't yet blogged about the greatest, most fantastic part of my summer.  My instagram peeps got to see the best of the photos but now I realize that I never actually wrote a record of it.  So here goes...


What I did on my summer vacation…





A few years back, my friend and her husband hatched a great plan for a dual-family vacation.  We were going to do something EPIC for our husbands 40th birthday and go to Europe.  All 6 of us and 10 of them.  It was going to be crazy - rent a villa, invite some more friends, and just hang out in the south of France or somewhere equally cool for a few weeks.

We got passports for all the kids.

We looked at amazing places to rent.

We looked at plane tickets.

Then we booked a place in California.

It turned out to be a wonderful vacation, but it certainly wasn't the European Get-Away of our dreams.

Fast-forward to spring, and these same friends are at it again talking this time about a couples trip to England.  Now England is one of my favorite places. I love

This summer did you go on a Family Trip or a Vacation?

A few months back I posted the first little essay in what was to be a series on our summer vacation… It was all about getting a passport for a glorious although undetermined trip to somewhere exotic.  Well the reservations are made and the exotic place is…

OXNARD, CA

Just 6 hours away.  No passport required.  No air travel required.  No customs required.  About 1/10th the price of the plane tickets elsewhere. 

So it isn't very exotic, but right about now I am ready to go anywhere to escape the triple digits.  For those reading from some place outside of Arizona - yes it is a dry heat - but 113 is just not pleasant.  

As I get ready for this grand vacation I have to remind myself that it is really a Family Trip not a Vacation.

According to Merriam-Webster 

A vacation is

"a respite or time of respite from something". 

A trip is 

"to journey to somewhere".

A time of respite (vacation)  versus a journey to somewhere (trip)

My kids travel well.  I am sure it has to do with the fact that we let them play with all sorts of fun electronic devises while we drive.  I am not ashamed to plug them in for a few hours.  The devices only last 2 of the 6 hours - we don't let them play the whole time,  but they feel like this is the only time we say "yes" whenever they ask so they have a good attitude generally.  And then the batteries die.  Please don't tell them about car chargers.  We also bring way too much other stuff- snacks, music, treasure box, books, Madlibs… they are all fun and wonderful things that we work into the mix to make the time fly by.  

It is a lot of work and leaves me with very little leg room. The car it packed to the windows.  Most of the drive I am sitting