Lessons on Love

 I had lunch with my boys recently. They are 11 and 14. Anytime I want to really talk with them I find it is best to get them away from any screens and put food in their hands. Kids are always happier with full tummies. Me too actually.

As we noshed on our burgers and fries, I explained in very few words the concept of Love Languages (Read the 5 Love Languages by GaryChapman!). I asked them which love language they thought they most related too. My oldest is an Acts of Service guy and my second born communicates love through Physical Touch. We talked about how this played out in our house.

For instance, with my oldest, I can always tell when he isn’t feeling the love, or wanting to share the love because his chores start sliding. I know it is more important for me to do things like bring him a forgotten lunch or help him get ready for soccer than it is with the other kids. It is more important for my second born to get his hugs, his good night tuck in, a little tickle time or even some help just clipping his nails.  He doesn’t ask for help with things like filling his water jug or making his lunch, but loves sitting on the couch with me while I scratch his head.

After talking about the two boys themselves, we decoded the other members of the family, and tried to pin down their love languages. We have one Quality Time and possibly another Acts of Service (she is pretty young so time will tell). They pegged their dad correctly but were stumped with me. But that makes sense.  When you are aware of someone’s love language it allows you to communicate with them based on their language.  So if I am communicating with them in their language, each child in my family should think I am just like them.  Ironically I am a Words of Affirmation kind of gal so I am not matched with anyone!

We also discussed the need to be aware of their friends and future spouses love languages.  Can you imagine dating someone who was expecting gifts when you were an Acts of Service communicator? I asked them what they think it would be like in our home if I was a Receiving Gifts communicator (given that their dad is an Acts of Service).  They laughed and said he would be ranting all the time “I work so hard to provide for this family and you keep spending all the money on these gifts we don’t need!”. So true!

I want my sons to be able to identify their sibling's and parent's and friend's love languages. As the mom, it is less important that they communicate with me in my own love language. I need to be the one who is poly-lingual, and slowly help them develop the skill as well. It is my job to help them develop the ability to give and receive love – in all its forms - and recognizing love as it is presented is key.

If you’ve never read the book, next time you are over at Amazon (or in an old fashioned books store), grab it. It is a fast and easy read and it can really inform the way you interact with your loved ones. Then open the discussion with them and keep it going. Doing so will foster a culture of love in your home.

Thanks for stopping by!

Cousins War Series

I have fallen in love with the Cousins War Series by Philippa Gregory.

This series has six books that cover the War of the Roses in England, from the perspective of six different women involved over a period of about 75 years. You see three different generations of women coming of age in various stations of life, but all circled around the great throne of England. The War of the Roses was a 30 year civil war of sorts between the Lancaster and the Yorks - two houses that descended from Edward III.   Both the York and the Lancaster families felt truly that they had a right to the throne, and the Tutor family felt their claim was divine.

Philippa Gregory is a decent writer and an actual historian.  She has taken her background in history and spun some fabulous tales about what could have happened given what we actually know.  She refers to real places and times and battles and characters, but fills in the details with fiction making it a fabulous read without being pure brain candy.

Unlike The White Queen TV series, on which is based on the books, the novels are not overly sexual but they are romantic in nature. There is love, there is lust, there is heart break and deception, but it isn't dirty and over-the-topic graphic. The TV show is very sexually graphic so be forewarned!

I love the interplay between the books as they refer to many of the same events, but from a completely different perspective. A character that is minor or even incidental in one book may be main character in another book. Information and situations that are hinted at in one book are given full attention in another. Reading the books from the perspective of various characters one can see how really difficult this time was for the whole of England. I recommend reading them in order published as listed below. You can click on the titles directly and it will take you to Amazon.

The Lady of the Rivers (2011)

The Red Queen (2012)

The White Queen (2013)

The White Princess (2014)

The King's Curse (2015)

Maybe it is because I was just in England, maybe it is because I am a romantic at heart, maybe it is because I love reading a good story and learning about real stuff at the same time... for whatever reason I have really enjoyed these books and I hope you will too!

Happy reading and thanks for stopping by!

How to Raise a Spiritual Champion: Book Review of Revolutionary Parenting

Revolutionary Parenting is a very digestible book filled with facts and stats on a sect of the population author George Barna calls "Spiritual Champions".  These are adults who were raised Christian, and who not only practice their faith, but live it.  He points out that parents have a bigger influence in the lives of their children than anyone else, and churches alone in fact don't have much influence.  Therefore he set out to examine and report on the specific parenting practices that are associated with raising children who grow to be Spiritual Champions.   In Revolutionary Parenting, he shares the research process, the research itself, and helps parent/readers to identify specific things they can be doing to help raise their children to walk in the light of Christ.

I could not possibly give you the results of his study - the How To list -  as much as I would like too.  When I reviewed 1000 Gifts,  it was pretty easy to give you the short and sweet answer to what you should do to live a more thankful and joy filled life.  Be more thankful.  But it was reading the book however that helps one come to realize HOW they can actually BE more thankful.  Barna's book on the other hand is almost a How To parenting book in a different way. You aren't transformed while reading it.  You are equipped or maybe reminded of the importance of some things you have strayed from.

This is a short (158 pages) book that is densely packed, yet easy to read.  It is practical and grounded in science.  It is well formatted with short chapters that build to the How To List.  Here are some take home points so you aren't feeling deprived.

"…every single Revolutionary Parent we interviewed agreed that the most important focus one their children's training was the development of a godly character (p46)". 

Important ares of parenting on which he expounds…

Parent provided structure with stability and continuity

Letting the church help but not lead

Focusing on character of the developing child

Being flexible and finding what works for individual children

Forming genuine relationships

Influencing friendships

Curfews and discipline

Media use

Parents acting like grown-ups

Absolute truths

A service mindset

Faith as foundational

Love as a Method

Prayer life

Choosing Christ

Trust

Positive family environment

I highly recommend this book. I don't have any sort of a star system, but suffice it to say I read it, I loved it, and it stayed with me.  It was recommended to me by another super-smart-Christian mom who loved it so much she actually BOUGHT me a copy.  If you want your own copy you can use the Amazon link on the left of my page. I will keep it up until my next book review.   Let me close with my favorite quote from Barna.  It gives you a nice flavor of his no nonsense but practical writing.

"Parenting then, is a never-ending process of learning more about God, ourselves, and how we can enhance the quality of the lives He has entrusted to us" (p133).

One Thousand Gifts

Book Review: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

To Buy Book Click Here

A few years back a friend recommended I read One Thousand Gifts.  Voskamp is an author and blogger, a farmers wife and mother of six.  At first blush the book didn't pass the 50 page test. I put it aside but opted not to take it to the used bookstore for trade as I usually do.  Rather I re-shelved it in my 'going to read soon' pile.  



I have three piles - Currently Reading (overflowing from my nightstand), Going to Read Soon (neatly lined on my writing desk), and The Book Shelf.  Actually there are three book shelves.   Once it is on a bookshelf it is almost a certainty that it won't come out again.  Those are mostly reference books and classics or favorites to lend and share with others.

Because of the recommendation, I kept One Thousand Gifts near but I wasn't crazy about it.  In fact someone suggested it for our small group and I vetoed it.   It was poetic.  Lots of adjective and not enough verbs.  Run-on sentences and incomplete thoughts.  I want action, I want the purpose to be clear, I want efficiency in writing.  I am so glad I gave it another chance.

This book is amazing and life changing.