As we noshed on our burgers and fries, I explained in very
few words the concept of Love Languages (Read the 5 Love Languages by GaryChapman!). I asked them which love language they thought they most related too.
My oldest is an Acts of Service guy and my second born communicates love
through Physical Touch. We talked about how this played out in our house.
For instance, with my oldest, I can always tell when he
isn’t feeling the love, or wanting to share the love because his chores start
sliding. I know it is more important for me to do things like bring him a
forgotten lunch or help him get ready for soccer than it is with the other
kids. It is more important for my second born to get his hugs, his good night
tuck in, a little tickle time or even some help just clipping his nails. He doesn’t ask for help with things like
filling his water jug or making his lunch, but loves sitting on the couch with
me while I scratch his head.
After talking about the two boys themselves, we decoded the
other members of the family, and tried to pin down their love languages. We
have one Quality Time and possibly another Acts of Service (she is pretty young
so time will tell). They pegged their dad correctly but were stumped with me. But
that makes sense. When you are aware of
someone’s love language it allows you to communicate with them based on their
language. So if I am communicating with
them in their language, each child in my family should think I am just like
them. Ironically I am a Words of
Affirmation kind of gal so I am not matched with anyone!
We also discussed the need to be aware of their friends and
future spouses love languages. Can you
imagine dating someone who was expecting gifts when you were an Acts of Service
communicator? I asked them what they think it would be like in our home if I
was a Receiving Gifts communicator (given that their dad is an Acts of
Service). They laughed and said he would
be ranting all the time “I work so hard to provide for this family and you keep
spending all the money on these gifts we don’t need!”. So true!
I want my sons to be able to identify their sibling's and parent's and friend's love
languages. As the
mom, it is less important that they communicate with me in my own love
language. I need to be the one who is poly-lingual, and slowly help them
develop the skill as well. It is my job to help them develop the ability to
give and receive love – in all its forms - and recognizing love as it is presented is key.
If you’ve never read the book, next time you are over at
Amazon (or in an old fashioned books store), grab it. It is a fast and easy
read and it can really inform the way you interact with your loved ones. Then open
the discussion with them and keep it going. Doing so will foster a culture of
love in your home.
Thanks for stopping by!
