Giving up Naps - a reflection

I cling to nap time.  It is my buoy in the ocean of life.  Naps give peace. Quiet.  The time to think and reflect.  The opportunity to write or nap or make phone calls or pick up the toys.  Or just finally sit down.

But naptime is a stage - it doesn't last forever.  And here we are, at that point, and nap time has got to go.

My firstborn didn't need as much sleep as I thought he should.  I tried to make him conform to all the books, worried sick that his brain wouldn't develop optimally without the set amount of sleep.  My husband finally pointed it out that he just doesn't need as much sleep as I want him to get.

I finished my dissertation with him playing quietly in his crib.  He was 18 months when he stopped napping on a regular basis.  He never complained, so I would leave him in his crib to get 'quiet time' while I wrote.  Every now and again he would actually fall asleep, but I think now that was due to sheer boredom.  Even now he needs less sleep than do I.

My second and third-borns are champion sleepers.  Gracie still naps about once a week and she turns 8 this summer.  She was one of those kids who really did sleep through the night before she hit her 2 month birthday.  JR wasn't quite that good, but still these two don't complain about going to bed at night and often are the last ones up.  They seem to like sleep, beds, pillows, all of that lovely stuff.

And then we have my adventuresome spirit. I wrote about protecting her naps and flexibility a while back (read more here).  Anna now takes her nap and sleeps well, but then she is a awake until 10 at night.  We tuck the girls in at 730 and (much like Anthony) then she lays in bed.  Or gets up and lays out her clothes (and her sister's clothes) for the next day.  Or she looks at books.  Or she asks for more water only to then need to go to the bathroom again.  And again.  Then she tries on shoes.  Then she is hungry.  Sometimes she is quiet and we think she fell asleep, only to find her laying in bed with her feet up on the wall just thinking.  The kids don't have toys in their rooms so her entertainment options are pretty limited, but sometimes she even gets dressed for the next day.  Good grief.

The Real Story: Miscarriage

Every few weeks I seem to get a prayer request for a fellow mom who has lost an unborn baby because of miscarriage.  Each time I find myself re-living my own experience, and I pray that my St. Lily and all those who make up the Army of Baby Saints will pray for these grieving moms.  The loss of every child is a unique experience, but knowing that I was not alone in my suffering brought great comfort when I needed it most.  I thought it was time I shared gave back too, and shared about how Lily came to be and left before any of us were able to hold her.  This is our story.  This is her story.

When we got married, Bob wanted two kids and I wanted three.  He used to say we compromised and had three, but then Anna came along so now with four kids we just laugh...

But back in the days before JR and Gracie and Anna, there was just a Mom and a Dad, and a little boy with blond hair and blue eyes.  We took our little Anthony with us on an adventure from Arizona to Oregon for a temporary relocation associated with my husband's work.  It was a wonderful time away.  I always thought I wanted to live where it rained a lot, and I had visions of playing with Anthony at the park every morning while I sipped my coffee wrapped in a lovely wool sweater.  I didn't realize the park would always be mushy and muddy and the swings and slides would be wet.  But I digress.  When we were about 1/2 way through our 10 month stay we decided we should have another baby.  Anthony was about 16 months old and I was finishing off my dissertation, eager to graduate and be called Dr. Hackett, if only by my little guy. 

As with Anthony, I conceived fairly easily.  We only told family about the pregnancy 'in case something happened'.  I don't think we really had any idea what that even meant.

Answer me this: My Dependable Dad

Building on last weeks Answer-me-this from Catholic All Year we have the Father's Day Edition.  Thanks for Kendra for hosting us in this fun link-up.  Be sure to check out the other answers to her great questions.

What is the best thing about your dad?

He is dependable. If he says he will be somewhere or do something he will.  He is wont get sick, or hurt, or forget, or change his mind, or flake out.  He will be there when you need him to be there.  I remember my grandmother hugging him at my grandfather’s funeral. She was pretty wrecked and she just leaned into him and turned to me.  She said “your dad is so dependable”. Even though that was 20 years ago the comment she made really stuck with me. 

What is the best thing about my kid’s father?

His love is so transparent in his actions. He loves to be with the kids and I.  Even when they (dare I say we) are a challenge… he doesn’t seem to need alone time, or away time. He just wants to be with us. 

What’s the best advice your dad ever gave you?

Keep the rifle butt tight against our shoulder when you shoot… or maybe to get a big bucket handy when I take apart the plumbing under the sink… or it could be his advice to always make sure you bring all the tools to the project at the start of the project…or to butter and toast both sides of a grilled cheese sandwich…I really could go on forever here.  My dad was/is full of practical advice. 

What’s something you have in common with your dad?

Peanut butter and spies.  I am a creamy peanut butter kind of girl and I love a good spy novel just like my dad.  I also would say we both like to keep busy. He always has a crazy number of different projects in motion and I too seem to have so much that I want to do!

What’s the manliest thing you know how to do?

Unclog a sink? Change a tire?  Lay a hardwood floor? Do those count? Just don’t tell anyone. I would rather not do those things!

Who is your favorite fictional dad?

I don’t really have one I don’t think.  I am really good at data-dumping fictional stuff. I read it or watch it and enjoy it, but then I don’t retain the characters or even frequently the plot.  One of my favorite characters in all of fiction is Jean Val Jean from Les Miserables.  He is a foster-adoptive father to I guess he would qualify.  Really my own dad is pretty much the stuff of legends so not even the fictional world can compare. 

Thanks for stopping by to think with me!

How to Raise a Reader: 4 quick tips

Four tips to help you child

developing a love for reading

Model reading

The most effective way to raise a reader is simply by being one yourself. Don't feel guilty about bringing a paperback to the park, or to the doctors office, or sitting down to read for a while on the weekend. Let your kids see they reading is worthwhile, enjoyable, and valuable.

Let them pick their books  

I hate Barbie and princesses... But my 1st grader loves them.  When we needed to really motivate her to take that next step in reading alone we took a trip to the library and found all the Barbie and Disney princess books we could find. She is tearing through them now.  JR likes nonfiction and comic-book style fiction, but not novels.  Anthony loves a good novel. Let them find the right style for them and encourage it.  Same goes for method of reading. I don't like electronic stuff but that is just because I love books. If your kids will read on a kindle then let them do it.   

Don't turn down a quick story 

A easy reader story take just a few minutes.  If your kids bring you a book (even if it is a Barbie book), make time for that story. I was able to follow this practice easily until I had 4 kids- now it is a but harder. But whatever your schedule, show your kids that reading is a good way to connect with you and a great way for them to get your attention for a little while.

Share stories even after they can read themselves 

You do this two ways. First by continuing to read to them after they have developed their skills. Find some good read aloud books and just keep the bedtime story a part of your routine. For a while we did 1:1 time. I would read a book and the. Gracie would read a book.  I read to JR as often as our schedule will permit it although it isn't as often as I want. But it is time for just the two of us which if lovely!  Secondly, once they are really developed readers, read some of the same materials.

Parts is Parts...Pre and post surgical ramblings about reproduction.

I was recently told that I may need a hysterectomy.  Not that I DID need one, but that if my little surgery this week didn't resolve things, that a hysterectomy was the next step.

I am not freaking out.  I am contemplative. I think if I was just told "you need a hysterectomy" I would bypass the contemplative state and move into placation-mode.  If you are told that you must have some procedure, or you receive a diagnosis of some sort, you don't have the luxury of mulling over the idea.  You have to act. You are removed from the philosophical into the reality that you are experiencing.  So here I am with some time to really think about how I feel about all of this. Writing is how I do that and since I am a blogger you get to come along on this journey of the mind.

A while back I wrote a piece about my body falling apart.  It happens.  Five pregnancies in 8 years, 4 live births via c-section, and one miscarriage, takes its toll.  I wrote

And the answer is we fix what is broken, not because we don't like the way it looks 

but rather because it doesn't work any more  

Part of my body isn't working any more and sadly it concerns my reproductive organs.  So we are fixing what is broken and that may entail just removing it all.

I know in NFP circles we often joke about wanting to go through early menopause, but it really isn't such a great time.  It isn't a horrible time either, but it can be kind of rough.  Menopause following a hysterectomy comes on suddenly and can be a bit more rough.  Instead of your body slowing down product of hormones it just stops.  Hormone replacement can be helpful but now we are getting into the medical part of it all and that isn't my area of expertise.  Early menopause eliminates the need for NFP obviously because you aren't fertile any more so I have mixed feelings about that too (read more). 

I think with much in life we can look at things as good or bad, but sometimes they are neither.  

Is it bad that I may not be able to have more kids naturally? Is it good since we already have 4? Is this God's way of saying we should continue to look at fostering?

Maybe in situations like this what is good or bad is how we respond to it all.

Fertility is a gift.  It is not a right. It is not something to be taken advantage of nor is it something to be manipulated for our own selfish desires and measures. I know families with lots of kids (by Catholic standards even) who have as many or even more babies in heaven.  Most people don't even know that although their arm are full, they have shed many tears for those babies who they never met.  I have friends how have carried babies to term, only to bury those babies.   They think about those little souls every day.  I have friends who have adopted babies after struggling with fertility or miscarriages and those babies are every bit as much theirs as their biological babies.  Was it their plan? No, it was God's plan and He always has a better plan than ours!

When we look at a couple or a family we never know their story, their struggles, their private prayers, the suffering they have endured.  Life is a gift.  The ability to cooperate with God the Almighty in His plan for life in this world is an honor.

I guess as it all comes around and my pontificating comes to an end... I surrender my fertility to God just as I always have.  If I need to be done with stage of my life so be it.  There are many ways to be generative and life-giving and I have these little faces to remind myself of that ongoing assignment from the Lord.

Thanks for stopping by to think with me!
Post-script: My surgery went well! Thanks for your prayers.  They think they found the source of my pain but weren't able to resolve it.  I need another specialist to do that, but like this procedure it is simple and should have a quick recovery.