Parenting in the current climate is
hard. For many of us it is harder than we would have thought it would be. Having
our own children around and spending time at home with our spouse aren’t traditionally seen as hardships. However, fear of illness, employment uncertainty, frustration,
with new learning processes, and a loss of our own social support are new trials we are struggling to endure.
For those fortunate to still have gainful employment, there are stresses of working at home with children to parent during the day. For families experiencing job loss, unemployed or underemployed, uncertainty regarding meeting their families basic needs exists, and this breeds fear and anxiety.
Fear and anxiety love to grow in
uncertain times. When we lack a mental schema, or a mental representation for how
to proceed, our creative instincts can get the best of us. We have so few answers, and no real
understanding of how or when this will end, what our culture will look like,
when can we return to regular mass, what will happen with the schooling in the
fall.
If we were “just” and I use just in air
quotes, experiencing an economic recession, we would sort of know what to
expect. We have been through some of those. If we were just experiencing (again
with air quotes) a big flu season, we may know better what to expect, when it
will go away.
The fact we aren’t able to plan for the
future makes this so much harder.
We need to balance the reality of the
day-to-day difficulty with the truth that parenting is our vocation. Just as God can bring good from suffering, as
parents we can invite Him to bring increased goodness into our homes now.
We parent in the present, we love in
the present, we live in the present. So we can take this time to learn to be
more present. Don’t worry about the future – Saint Padre Pio said “Pray hope,
and don’t worry.”
That doesn’t mean being less
intentional about your parenting.
We should all take some time to think
about how we want our kids to remember this time (read more about thathere). We have a beautiful opportunity to spend time with, and connect with our
kids in such a unique way right now, but we need to be intentional about it. The
intensity with which we parent now has changed as has and the opportunity to play a bigger role in our children’s lives.
Being present and living more in the
moment is the answer to more fully embracing the opportunities we have at home
now.
The research on stress tells us that
if we are under stress, we either need to remove the stressor, or we need to
change our reaction to the stress. We can’t remove our children, or spouse, or
the threat of illness, so we have to change our reaction to the stress.
If
we can re-frame this time as an opportunity to grow closer to God through our
service to others, I think that regardless of what level of stress or suffering
we are feeling, we can use it for our own sanctification.
The Letter of James , says “Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, for you know that the
testing of your faith produces perseverance" (James 1: 2-4). We can experience joy in suffering only when we draw closer to God.
I still have yet to experience joyful suffering, but I am working on it. This process of turning suffering into joy takes practice and a level of mindfulness. The process requires first, that we reframe the experience, trial, suffering, frustration, and recognize that the
suffering we endure can draw us closer to God. The process starts with awareness. When we experience suffering, James tells us to pray. This practice of praying through
out the day is good for parents, but it is hard to develop. Now is a great
time because we encounter so many irritations through out the day that we can not escape. Just a simple “Lord have mercy” or “Jesus I trust in You” is a start to
turning over the emotion of the moment, and allowing grace to enter in.
When we start our day in prayer, and then reconnect in
prayer or scripture later at some time, we anchor our routine in the Lord. These times act as markers in our day
to just set our mind on God. In order to do this we have to have boundaries
with our children. We need to learn to
say “Not right now” to our children. In doing so we help them practice patience and
independence every day.
On the very practical side, continuing to
practice gratitude every day with our children is important as well. Gratitude is a pathway
to joy. Sharing our gratitude at the evening meal this is a great way to connect, share, and work towards having more joy and less stress in the home.
One of the likely questions for my son's
upcoming college essays is “What did you learn when you were home during the Covid
outbreak?" I think we all have a chance to really learn much about ourselves during this time. James said in his letter that our
nature is proved when we are tempted, not when we are comfortable. Well, we are
all given a chance now to show our nature. There have been some areas in my nature that
really need some intentional work. I have seen my true nature and it is not all
pretty. If we don’t know what to work on, it is hard to improve. I encourage
you all to look at this time and the trials and frustrations as a time to live
in the present, not worry about the future, but rather look to how you can grow
in holiness moment to moment. It is the little moments in life that lead to the
lasting memories.
Thanks for stopping by!
