How do we talk to our kids in during a National Crisis? It is a question I have received a number of times in the last 24 hours as we watched our institution of democracy undermined in an afternoon and into an evening.
In a National crisis, some of us try to absorb as much media as we can. Others avoid.
As members of this still-great federal republic, we have an obligation to be aware, but as adults we need to protect our children. We don’t have permission to obsess and neglect and bring fear into our home.
This year has given us multiple opportunities to sit on our sofa with the news and our phones, and doomscroll while we soak in the fear and anger of others. And there is much about which to be angry.
But as parents, we have an obligation to personally educate and protect our children. It is our job to do this. We must be the filter, the translator, the primary educator. We must provide context for what they see, answers to their question, soothe their concerns, and then recognize when we should turn it all off and play a game of cards together.
Children need reassurance that they are safe, that their world is good, and that there us hope for our future. Our conversations should convey that. Our interactions and responses should provide that.
Parents are their child’s primary protector. If your child is young, this means sheltering them from information they can not cognitively comprehend. If they are older, it means being honest about the world and providing much needed context for the events they see.
We live in a fallen world, and evil is real. People have free will and make poor choices that put the lives of others in danger. The choices we make have consequences. These are all lessons that are being showcased.
Here are 5 things parents should do:
First, you need to turn off the news. Let your children know what is happening. Show them a bit if you want, but endless steaming of violence and hate and abuse and anger shouldn’t be allowed in any home. The stress caused by the news is real for both adults and children alike. You can always flip it back on when they go to bed.
Secondly, if you don’t know the facts, find out rather than pretending. If you don’t know the difference between a riot, a protest, an act of sedition or an act of domestic terrorism, look it up. If they ask a new question, seek an answer together. Don’t rely on the non-expert. Experts share their knowledge freely.
Third, simplify your explanations and allow the child to ask for more. Too often adults dump information on children rather than letting them explore the issue together. A child who requires a one sentence answer doesn’t need to hear a dissertation about the subject, your thoughts, feelings, and fears for the future.
Fourth, be careful with your language. Always, never, but... these are words to use sparingly. Speak with charity and wisdom. And if you don’t have anything nice to say, then say a prayer.
Lastly, look and listen. Some children will be upset even though you do everything right. Some children are more sensitive or fearful. If they need extra help, attention, or just more TLC, give it to them.
Thanks for stopping by and thanks for passing this blog post along.
For more parenting tips follow along on Instagram @Dr.MaryruthHackett or subscribe to my podcast Parenting Smarts.
