We talked about the different ways our body communicates with us. Hunger pain vs. nervous tummy. Gas pains vs sore muscles. We talked about poop and its form, color, frequency - We talked a lot about poop.
I started paying closer attention - maybe it isn't physical. Maybe it something else. They psychologist in me couldn't let go of this possibility.
And then the pandemic hit and life slowed down to a crawl.
No more soccer.
No more gymnastics.
No more school.
No more birthday parties or BBQs.
And no more tummy aches.
In the process of wiping the schedule clean, we eliminated whatever it was that was prompting her tummy aches. As the weeks turned into months, we started talking about what we missed.
I missed my women's group, she missed her soccer team. She missed her best friend, I missed going to mass.
We also talked about what we did not miss, which was an equally valuable conversation to have.
She missed playing soccer, but because she missed her teammates and the actual game, playing soccer around the house made her miss her teammates even more.
She missed her gymnastics coach, but she didn't miss practices, or her team, or her meets. Those made her nervous. She was one of the the youngest on the team and she felt like she annoyed them. She did not like the pressure of competing. It wasn't fun, like playing a soccer game. It did not matter that she was very very good at the sport, the circumstances and individual pressure was not something that she enjoyed.
Youth sports can offer a multitude of benefits physically, socially, and emotionally. But it is essential that you find the right fit for each child. Some children will thrive in individual sports like swimming, track, or gymnastics. Their success will be dependent on their own training and performance. They won't be dependent on their team to receive a ball or be in just the right position. Practices are less social as the athlete focuses on their own skill improvement. Their points contribute to the teams success, but they are scored as individuals.
Other children do best in a group competition situation. There is less individual pressure or expectation for perfection. When they miss a big shot or drop a ball, they apologize and move on. They don't have points deducted points from an overall score. Group sports give children a chance to compete and contribute without being in the spotlight.
Goodness of Fit is a term developmental psychologists use to refer to how healthy a situation is for a child, based on the specific needs of the child. An certain environment may be optimal for one child but less than ideal for another.
One size does not fit all when it comes to children.
When looking at options for your child in reference to sport, it is important to keep Goodness of Fit at the forefront of your mind. It may be a nice sport to watch, but it is a good fit for your son or daughter. It may be a sport that your some children love, but will all your children love it in the same way?
One of the best things a parent can do for his or her child, is to help the child develop a positive self-concept. This means introducing your child to a number of different experiences, finding what natural interests or gifts they have that will help them be successful at this activity, and show them that you value their interests, opinions, and ideas.
It is all good a well to recognize that your child loves to play a sport, but if you hate the activity and refuse to support their interest, you are sending them the not-so-subtle message that their interest (and daresay happiness?) is less important than their own. Pushing them to do something just because you enjoy it, will never lead to success. It will lead to burnout and frustration and guilt. Help them find their passion - don't expect them to inherit your passion.
Out of our four children, we have three soccer players. And these three are crazy committed soccer players. Our other daughter has tried dance (twice), gymnastics (twice), swim team, soccer (twice), archery, and horseback riding. We are still looking for a good fit for her. But it is possible that the best fit for this child will be no-sports. Trying to make a non-athlete into an athlete is like trying to turn a banana into an orange. It just doesn't work.
Not every child is an athlete, but a large part of our culture values athletic endeavors more highly than the other activities. In these situations, non-athletic children receive the message that their interests are less important, and maybe they are less important too.
If you are still looking for the best-fit just keep at it and enjoy the process. Know when to quit and move on. This post (click here) can help with that decision too. For more on sports and kids and family life in general, tune into my podcast Parenting Smarts. Episodes 8 and 9 are all about athletics, sports and families.
Thanks for stopping by!
