I had a bad-mommy-moment that necessitated I take a walk.
A LONG walk.
I think my husband was surprised at how long I was gone which only tells me that he must not have realized HOW upset I was which means that my bad-mommy-moment wasn't as bad as it could have been. And really it was a bad-wife-moment because I unloaded on him while the kids were outside.
It was basic mommy stuff. Nothing major. Kids fighting. My 10 extra pounds. Someone interrupting every 5 seconds. No yoga all week. Witching hour. My being interrupted 2x in one bathroom trip. PMS. The close of a week without sweets or alcohol (except that one night but it was women's group so that doesn't really count). Basic mommy stuff.
But every so often (or very often?) it just gets to me. I don't know what bothers me more - the kids being kids or my nasty snapping at them. Either way I just needed to take a walk. I grabbed my sneakers and walked out the door. Followed by Anna of course. I sat in the front and put on the shoes while I coaxed her back into the house. Then I just took off.
I left my phone at home so that I could just talk to myself and God and listen for some guidance from above. So I vented to Him. In my mind I wrote about all the things that were really really really ticking me off. I just got it all out. I cried a little. A lot. And I walked.
About the time I came to the path of olive trees I started feeling a little peaceful. I rounded the corned by the pond and saw a goose honking loudly and harassing a duck. "There I am" was the thought that came to mind. I was the goose. I was honking and honking and nipping at those around me. I hate geese. They are mean. They are noisy. They bite. They are the bullies of the pond.
I crossed the way over to the next pond and rounded it too. As I came to the tip I met Mamma Duck and her 3 ducklings playing in the sprinklers. No joke. I wished I had my phone to take a photo. But I didn't so I was able to just watch and be in the moment with them. It was strikingly cute. They played a little and then Mamma Duck quietly turned and the little ones feel in behind her. The bumped one another, they bumped her a little, but off they followed her in a wavy little line. They meandered down towards the water and then into for a little swim. Or float. Or what ever ducks do in the water.
And as I watched all I could think was
I want to be a mamma duck, not the goose.
It is a choice.
I hoofed it back home. To say my apologies. To thank my family for waiting for me to eat dinner. To kiss the skinned knee. To lead prayers at bedtime. To tuck my ducks in tight.
Sometimes it is hard not to be the goose, but I am going to work harder to be the mamma duck.
Thanks for stopping by to think with me!
