We went on vacation this month as a family and drove a days journey north to the great state of Utah. It was about 20 degrees cooler than Arizona, but still warm and sunny. We traveled initially for the regional play for my oldest child’s soccer team, but then stayed an additional week for family time.
What surprised me most about the trip, was that amidst all the amazing and extravagant things we planned to do, one of everyone’s favorite part about the vacation was the family time together. Particular favorites were the nightly games and sharing three meals a day together around the table. And I agreed. I cherished the time where it was just the six of us laughing, teasing, or recapping stories of the day.
As I sat on the balcony one afternoon reading through sociologist Joshua Packard’s report on GenZ from Springtide research, I came to a deeper appreciation of why the kids (and I!) cherished that time together.
Today’s teens and young adults are in large part lonely. A 2018 report by Cinga Heathcare found that the GenZ cohort is the loneliness of any generation. We think they are connected online and with technology, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t lonely. In fact, the young adults of today report the highest level of loneliness or any generation at anytime.
Among 10, 000 surveyed young adults, 24% of those in the 13-17 age range reported that they feel completely alone either always or sometimes (2020, Springtide).
We are living in an increasingly isolated environment. We strive to meet the individual needs of each child, but I think sometimes I fail to recognize the importance of the collective time together. I say yes to everything I can, wanting the children to have experiences and time with friends, yet sometimes a better answer is ‘No’ – tonight we are having family time. Our kids need it. We need it.
A friend recently hosted my family for a beautiful dinner. It was a year in the planning (thanks COVID) and a serious battle to keep on the books. I said No to sleepovers with cousins and birthday parties at a resort, and even an expenses paid weekend away with my husband. Everyone was pulled in a different direction, but between 4:45 and 8:00 I mandated we be together at our friend’s home. And it was wonderful. We laughed, and shared, and celebrated friendship together.
It doesn’t have to be a big vacation, or a dinner party with friends, although those were the experiences that lead me to this new awareness. It doesn’t even have to be really great, memorable time. We still had fights and cursing and doors slamming on vacation too. What we need as a family is simply to be present for more than a check-in. We need to share life together, not live in separate rooms under the same roof. We need to sometimes shut down the screens that pull us away. We need to carve out time to be with one another, to love one another, to live life together. What our kid's need most is not complicated.
Our kids just need us.
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