Saturday, February 14, 2015

14 things in 14 years: What my marriage has taught me thus far

After the cake is cut and the guest have gone, the wedding becomes a marriage.  

Better Than Eden is doing a great link up this week and gave me the idea of writing one thing I have learned for every year of marriage.  This year we will celebrate 15 years of marriage and in the last 14+ there are a few things I have noticed that are worth sharing.  I have included the obvious, but also the subtle.

1.  Date night.  Time to finish a sentence.  Time to breathe in one another.  Just do it.  Make it happen somehow. We have had date night on the patio while the kids watch a movie inside, nights away at a hotel, and everything in between.  

2.  We are all going to mess up.  Sometimes all that is needed is a sincere "i am sorry. please forgive me".  And when that time comes - accept and forgive and move on.  The graces that come when you forgive and are forgiven are amazing!

3.  It really is possible to not run out of things to talk about.

4.  Sometimes silence is best. When in doubt keep your mouth shut, take a deep breath, and say a prayer.

5.  The golden rule does not apply.  Men and women need different things.  I need unconditional love and attention, he needs my respect.  I will set myself up to fail if I just try to give him what I think I need.  I need to tell him what I need.

6.  If offense wasn't intended then it is unfair to be offended at something your spouse said.  When offense IS intended, then the issue needs to be addressed.

7.  Divorce sucks.  It has ripple effects and is bound to affect not just for the couple going through the mess, but for everyone who loves them.

8.  Whereas with parenting I feel like each day brings me new challenges as the kids grow and mature, in a marriage the same challenges present themselves until you deal with them effectively.

9.  Sometimes he just needs me to be present.

10.  Each stage of life presents new opportunities for my spouse to grow and for me to find new ways to love him.

11.  Sex can be really funny. I am just going to leave it at that.

12.  If you don't grow together, you may find yourself growing apart.  We do some things separately (work, volunteer, men/women's group, his soccer, my yoga) but we do everything else together.  We find ways to support each other pursuing our the separate interests.  That can be a simple as my not grumbling when he leaves for soccer, or by his reading some of my writing.  He doesn't need to take over as my blog's business manager in order to support me.  Although I do enjoy occasionally sneaking out to watch him play soccer.

13. A good night sleep is hard to come by.  Blanket stealing, snoring, middle of the night bathroom breaks, kid's nightmares, coughs, sleep walking oh my.  A good night sleep is something to be cherished.

14.  God brought us together for an amazing purpose.   He is not perfect and neither am I, but we are perfect for each other.

As we approach the end of our 15th year... I am going to try to learn to be my husband's mistress... I haven't quite mastered that yet.

May your marriage continue to be blessed!  Thanks to Mary over at Better Than Eden for the link up.  If you haven't checked out the other lessons learned be sure to head over there for some more great lists.

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