Monday, February 9, 2015

How to be Your Husband's Mistress

Picture this - someone giving your husband unabashed attention, clearly being happy to see him, listening to him he speaks, sneaking around a little, and cherishing the limited time they have together.

That someone can and SHOULD be you.

In a recent survey, 48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated (Neuman, 2015).   It is not all about sex.  So here are 8 easy tips for how to be your husband's mistress (and a rockstar wife).

1.  Get pretty for him.  Not because he will leave you if you don't - do it because it shows that you care what he thinks of you.  It shows that you want to be attractive to him.  Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.  Putting on a shirt that is not decorated with baby spit up is a nice gesture if you want a hug when you see him.

2.  Give him a hug when you see him.  Be happy to see him, even if he is late.  Do you think he wants to come home just to hear you complain about his being late? Even if you are irritated because you wanted or expected him home earlier, tell him how happy you are to have him home.  You should want to spend time with him and have him around, so make sure that is clear.

3.  Schedule a date night or lunch date (so you aren't both exhausted).  Try to take a morning off and go have a long breakfast while the kids are at school.  Sneak some time away with each other.  Put a movie on for the kids and sneak to the back room with a bottle of wine.   Sneaking around is a lot of fun and shouldn't be reserved only for sinful sneaking!

4.  Give him a break every once in a while.  Sure you need to communicate the real life stuff, but don't nag about that.  Set some time aside to talk the business side of home when you need to.  If you need his help with things, try to set up a system so that you aren't just nagging him.  As the kids get older (they don't have to be very old to help),  have them assume some of the more tedious tasks that he struggles with (taking the trash out?).

5.  Do something thoughtful for him.  Does he have any NewYears resolutions you can help him with? Is there something he loves to do that he has gotten away from lately?  It shows you care, you recognize him as an individual outside of his role as spouse and dad, and you know what he loves.

6.  Do something different.  Think outside the box.  Plan for a fun night or afternoon and execute on that plan.  Don't let anything get in your way! Take a bike ride, go for a hike, get tickets to a play or mystery dinner, or try go-cart racing.

7.  Listen to him.  Give him your respect and attention.  Don't let the kids interrupt you when you are speaking with one another.  When they do calmly say to the child.   "Excuse you.  Your rather is talking and you will need to wait until we are finished." You send both the child and your spouse the clear message that what the spouse is saying IS more important than what the child has to say.  Everything seems like an emergency with kids, but don't give up what is important for what is urgent.  If the child pees on the floor - oh well.  It can be cleaned up.  If your husband feels like and accessory in his own house - well that is a much bigger problem.  So listen to him.

8.  Be passionate about him.  This encapsulates everything above.  Let him know that he is not just another person in your home, but rather someone whom you love passionately.

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