Why Kid's Music Matters

My 11 year old doesn't understand why we even have it.  My 8 year old is just annoyed by it.  My 6 year old L.O.V.E.S to sing it at the top of her lungs.  My 2 year-old stops crying and claps when I turn it on.

What is it?

Toddler Tunes

Each of the kids, depending on their age, has a different, and very strong opinion. And it is a reaction shared by other their same age.

What is it about "the wheels on the bus" and "if you are happy and you know it", that elicits such a strong reaction?  As parents I think we understand why it is annoying to the older children because we share that annoyance.  We may also share their amazement at why it works to calm toddlers and their slightly older siblings. There is a reason why these song have survived for generations.

Wordless Wednesday

Panic Attack in the Deodorant Isle

I almost had my first panic attack today.

Or maybe you could say I had the beginnings of my first panic attack.

In the deodorant isle.

Background - after his soccer game this weekend Anthony, complained that his under-arms were "just so sticky".  Even though it is mid-late September he was playing AZ style in 100+ temperatures with humidity. Of course. His whole body was dripping in sweat but it was the under-arms that bothered him.  I explained that he probably should start wearing and antiperspirant.  So today I thought Anna and I would just pop in the drug store and grab some.

I passed the isle the first time and had to wrangle the extra large cart (in which Anna wanted to ride and I had already managed to 1/2 fill with stuff we didn't REALLY need) back around.  She disappeared for the moment to look at Frozen dolls and sesame Street plastic plates.  And that gave me just what I needed - time to over think the situation.

Sidebar: If you think this is going to be one of those brilliant posts (like all my other brilliant ones) about how to be a better mom and how to know and grow with your kid… sorry.  Somedays I am a mess too.  You can re-read a less emotional post by clicking here.  This is the post is more of a  "oh yeah - she really DOESN'T have it all together but I get it" type of post, possibly with some though provoking stuff at the end.

So, I am standing in the deodorant isle, and the thoughts go like this:

Oh cool, this is on sale 2/$5 perfect, wait is it both antiperspirant and deodorant? Oh, wait this other stuff says it doesn't have aluminum, but it is so expensive.  does it really work ? because we tried this same brand of toothpaste and it tasted like Prep H cream (we know this because we got the tubes mixed up once while traveling you can laugh but - don't judge- they were the same size).  I can't buy the antiperspirant because the toothpaste was nasty…crap…(I start reading labels)… is there aluminum is all of them…oh here this one doesn't but it is only a deodorant and his problem isn't stinking it is sweating definitely better to have an anti-perspirant and not a deodorant… but I guess aluminum is what makes it work must be because there are 50 brands here and only one without aluminum...am I a horrible mom for giving him aluminum… should I research this first?

The Importance of Teaching Delayed Gratification

Mamma I want…

Mamma can I have this…

Mamma PLEEEEEESE…

Taking the kids on a quick trip to the store can be at times over whelming and the rest of the time just frustrating.  The check out stand - no matter where you are - is filled with delicious goodies put at just the right height for our children's eyes, hands, and mouths.

A few nights ago, I had to run to Walmart in search of a Hawaiian Lei for Laui day at school. I did such trip during soccer practice when I "only" had Gracie (6) and Ann (2).  It should have been a quick, in-n-out trip.  Except we somehow ended up in the girls clothing isle.

Oh Boy.

My Little Pony Pajamas, Frozen T-Shirts, Pink Sparkle Headbands… you name it and my daughters wanted it.  So I responded with my pat answer "lets put that on your list".  See, ever since my kids have been able to ask for things, my response is that they can "put it on their list".  This has worked really well.

Last night, not so well.

Gracie just had her birthday.  She is old enough to realize that Christmas

"...is like FOUR months away and besides mom I didn't get a lot of what I wanted for my birthday!".

Gracie got PLENTY for her birthday, but no, she didn't get everything.    As I explained to Gracie as we walked to the car (without anything special for her), her father and I have agreed that we will not just buy our kids what they want all the time, rather we will purchase them what they need.  And we are so blessed to be able to do that!  Birthdays and Christmas are for those special things that they love.  So is their allowance.

Our dialogue went something like this:

G:  But you never buy me anything.

She says as she is wearing the new (target clearance) PE shorts that I just brought her (no joke) THAT DAY.

Me:  Look at your shorts honey. What are you wearing?

G:  But I really want those things.

Me: The world is fully of wonderful things that you and I both like.  We can't buy everything we like. We need to appreciate things without purchasing them.  Your Dad works very hard for this money and I am not going to just give it away.  So just as I am not going to give you $20 from my wallet, I am not going to just spend $20 on something just because you like it.

G: But The Boys always buys things.

Me: That is because the boys spend their allowance money on things they want. They do their chores, they save their money, and then when they want something they can decide to buy or not buy that item.

G: But I never get any money.

Me:  Well lets start keeping track of your chores and you can save for something special.



We live in a fast food, instant gratification culture.  My kids hover in the pantry and try to sneak food as I am COOKING DINNER!  I am moments away from putting it on the table and they are asking me for a bowl of cereal.  Are you kidding me? The witching hour is the worst!

But the bigger problem is clear.  Kids need to learn to WAIT for what they want.  They need to learn to be patient, and they need to learn to appreciate the anticipation of something wonderful to come.

I know many parents, and I have found myself among them at time, who don't tell their kids about fun stuff that is coming up.  They may have a wonderful play date scheduled for all week long for Friday afternoon - and they wait until 5 minutes before the play date to tell their child. Why? Well out of the kindness of their hearts they don't want the child to be disappointed if things don't work out.  But they rob their child of the anticipation, the looking forward to, the excitement of waiting for something fun.

Instead they say "Want to play with your buddy? Great, let's go".

When we ask our children to delay gratification, we are asking them to practice their self-control.  We ask them to master their bodies and temper their physical desires in the short term.  We are allowing them to practice a really important life skill!

Why is this important? I am sure I don't have to list out the social problems associated with impulsive behavior as adolescents, but let's do it for fun…

Premarital sex 

Unprotected sex

Fights

Obesity

Drug use

Alcohol abuse

Drunk driving

Infidelity

Is it really this big of a deal? Keep reading!

Surviving the Witching Hour

I love my kids.  I really do.  My favorite times with them are when we engage one on one.  Just me and ONE of them.  My least favorite time of motherhood - the witching hour.  When all five of us are tired, hungry, and cranky.  We all have a different agenda and everyone seems to need mama's help.

Before we had kids, my husband and I would cook together after work.  We would chat and catch up.  He was a great sous chef and the process of cooking was so much fun.  When I had Anthony, we switched things up.   I would wait for him to get home and entertain the baby so that I could cook, or if timing didn't work out I would cook with Anthony either strapped to my back or in a little seat on the counter (yes, ON the counter, don't call CPS, he is just fine).   As the number of children increased, I became aware that I really wasn't going to be able to carry them all, no matter how cool the sling, while I cooked.  They also really couldn't wait until 7:00 or 7:30 to eat on a nightly basis (which is what it would be if I waited to start cooking until husband came home), so I needed to figure out how to get dinner on the table with all of them around.

The first obvious answer is to get the kids to pitch in and help.

http://www.publicdomaintreasurehunter.com/2010/05/08/hybrid-content-theory-the-joy-of-republishing-public-domain-cookbooks/

That is a great solution coming from someone with no kids or with only one child.

My 'Cover your bases in case disaster strikes' Checklist

A few years ago, my husband was approached by our pastor and asked to be the parish's liaison to an Emergency preparedness community group.  The collection of pastors and city officials met and discussed the cities response plan, and worked to formulate some unofficial procedures to pass along to the various faith communities, in case of either natural disasters or those more along the 9/11 type.  This post is not intended to freak anyone out, but rather to give you a little guideline so that IF you were say without water (like those in Toledo, Ohio was last month) for days on end, your domestic situation would not suffer needlessly.

The fact that the city and the various faith leaders thought it was important to prepare, motivated me to get my house in order just in case the unthinkable happened.  I felt like they were basically saying "hey don't rely on us for the first few days/weeks".   Plus, my husband brought home all sorts of resources so I had a guide.

And that is what I hope I can provide to you.

The first step in all of it, is actually to think about the unthinkable.  What would you do, and how would you respond?

Assess your possible crisis events and responses

Identify the threats specific to your area
- nuclear station, flood plain, tornados, hurricanes, tsunami, something else?

General threats
- EMP attack, Electrical grid compromised, bioterrorism, dirty bomb, suicide bombers, compromised water system, gas leaks, something else?

If you live right near a nuclear station, or in the middle of tornado alley, you need to prepare differently.   In Arizona,

The Terrible Night Terrors

Just getting through a normal night of sleep is a challenge when you have kids doing the normal kid things.  I first wrote 10 tips for good-normal sleep (click here), but every now and again you get a child who is stuck in a rut.  In our sleep-depriaved state it can be hard to take a moment to step back and strategize a solution.

One of the most common sleep problems is Nightmares.  About a quarter to a third of children between ages 5 and 12 are affected by nightmares (reference). A less common but more dramatic problem are Night Terrors.

There is no general consensus in the field about why we have dreams, but the brain continues to process while we are sleeping.   Neither frequent nightmares nor night terrors are a sign of some psychopathological problem with a child.  But that doesn't mean they aren't extremely unpleasant and something parents want to help do away with.

The first thing is to differential between Night Terrors and Nightmares. They are two different events, occur at different points in the sleep cycle, and should be handled differently.