Welcome back. Just as a recap, my family did not pay us for chores, but rather provided us with an allowance. We had chores that were not optional, and we did not get paid for these. I covered all that and gave a quick review of motivation research in the last post. This post is the story of my husband's family's approach and the merging of two very different attitudes towards chores and allowance.
His Family
My husband's family paid their kids for the work
they did. And they paid well. Their family had "help"
with the house and the yard and the pool growing up so those chores weren't an
issue. They spent free time going to movies, or watching and playing
sports, or traveling. While my family spent a weekend chopping wood for
the winter, his may have spent that same weekend skiing.
Work was something that was however encouraged and rewarded
with cash. They did not get
any allowance, but rather could work to earn spending money. My mother-in-law says that my husband (the first born),
often stepped up to do all the chores and was the one who always had
money.
When my husband was old enough to be employed, he
got a job. By the time he graduated high school, he was managing a movie
theater. And he saved. He paid 1/2 for his first car, splitting
the bill with his dad and then passing the car along to his brother and then sister when
the time came. When my husband wanted some extra money, he worked hard and was able to earn that.
Now there were times when they needed extra money for
gas or for the football game, their dad would help out. I remember watching with surprise, when my husband’s (then 16 year old) sister asked his dad for money and HE JUST GAVE
IT TO HER! I was really
shocked because outside of my allowance my parents would never ever give us money. He would tease and just give
her a dollar and everyone would laugh, but then he would open up the
wallet.
In my opinion, growing up my husband and his siblings were taught
the value of money, whereas I was taught the value of work.
Now I don't want to sound as though one is better
than the other. My husband and his family have an incredible work ethic as does my family. All of our parents worked hard and were great role models of work ethic. His siblings now work long and hard hours, and have worked very hard to get where they
are professionally. They get paid very well for what they do. My husband has a MEE and MBA. His brother is an
MD (and married an MD who is a full-time momma now), his sister is a practicing attorney and married to an attorney as well. They are wonderful people, whom I adore.
But there is a difference in how my family of origin and his view work. The very identities of the individuals in his family, are very centered on what they do
professionally which is not the case in my family. My
parents were professionally very successful, but they retired almost as soon as
they could, and then both started second careers doing something that they love
for little or no pay. His parents are both still working and probably
will be for sometime to come.
Two families merged into one
Given our different backgrounds, this issue could
have been a big culture clash. But
really there is a benefit in either approach. In our family we strive for balance. We have chores that are expected that they do, and we
pay them a nominal amount for their weekly work. We are
horrible about keeping track of the chores they do which makes the pay out each week difficult. I don't know why we can't keep track
of how many times so and so unloaded the dishwasher - it has to be done every
day. This is a big fail for us as parents so far. So the kids have certain chores that they must do daily, and then we estimate at the end of the week about how well they succeeded overall at their tasks. We also
expect that certain things be done in our house without pay (and in some
regards, because we are bad about the chore-chart everything is done without
pay). We also always have jobs that
the kids can complete to pick up for a little extra cash. Our kids are paid well (and
immediately) for big jobs like pulling weeds or washing the car.
We encourage our kids to give to the church, to
save, and we give them freedom to spend their money as they wish. There
are wonderful tools out there to help your kids learn proper money management -
like the divided piggy bank (save, spend, donate), so look into that if you are
interested. I would love to say that is something we do, but we are still mastering the chore charts.
Where does social class come in?
People relate to money and work differently
based on social class, but in this case, we can't attribute the different views of my husband's family and mine to differences in social class. We were both raised in the same part of
town, by parents who all had advanced
degrees and stressed the importance of education. Both my husband's
mother and my own were full-time mothers who returned to their careers once their children
were in school. But our families did relate to money and work
differently and that came out clearly in the allowance/chores differences.
What works for you?
The first step in determining how you are going to
handle chores and allowance is to talk it over with your spouse and think about
what is important to you.
How do you want
your kid to relate to money?
How do you want
your kid to think about work?
Talk with your spouse about his upbringing and
whether he got an allowance or did chores for money. Did he like it?
What would he change?
Working together as a couple you can come up with a
plan to optimize the situation for your family and your children. Good luck and God bless!
Thanks for
stopping by.
