It has been quite a while since I last blogged so my sincere
hellos and welcome back to those of you who have been on this journey with me.
The past year has been a wonderful time for reflection and direction setting,
and I feel as though I am finally hearing the whisperings clearly. This post
has a far larger introduction than normal but I with such a break in writing
here I fear I need to bring you up to date…
As many of you know a few years ago, as my youngest entered
5 day a week school, I took a part time position with a ministry I loved. As
much as I passionately loved the work I was doing, I found myself restless.
When I was working I was missing home things and when I was doing home things I
was missing work. I felt dissected in some way. I also found myself landing an
opportunity to serve our diocese by starting a podcast called Parenting Smarts.
I blame the success of the podcast for the decline in my blogging as all my
creative energy and writing time was directed towards cultivating content for
this podcast. It has been a pure joy to work on this project and I sincerely
hope it continues in the future! But
after working on the podcast for a few months I found myself scattered; I
needed to streamline my non-family time. I tearfully stepped away from my
part-time job and threw myself into the podcast and another writing project. I
spent more time each day in prayer, went on a silent retreat, and found a
spiritual director.
Moving from a paying job, albeit small, to working on
projects that don’t provide any additional income for our family was harder
than I anticipated. I missed the title that I lost. I missed the extra money in
the account. I missed the appreciation
from others when I contributed in a unique way. In our culture we show
appreciation with monetary rewards. I lost that. My family loves and
appreciates me, sure, but they don’t see my intellect, my creativity, my
problem solving as a skill. They just see it as Mom. It is part of my
individual being. It isn’t something to be heralded. As few weeks ago, I was approached to apply
for a new position. Initially I said no, but I was soon persuaded to apply. The
more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. I would be recognized, I
would gain a little vacation money, I would have an occupation beyond mother
and volunteer.
But it isn’t what I am called to do or BE. When I first converted, I gave a lot of
thought to my vocation as a mother. Honestly, if I had converted as a teen I
may have become a contemplative. I love the quiet. I love my prayer time. I
love thinking and reading and writing. I have a contemplative calling. But I
came to believe, wrongly (!) that the contemplative life is not compatible with
motherhood. We respond, we react, we think of others and their needs, wants &
desires. We are self-sacrificing. We don’t have the luxury of thought many
days. I asked my sister one day “how are you?” and she responded “I don’t have
the luxury of thinking about that question – I have no idea how to answer
it”. And that is certainly true for much
of motherhood. It is a responsive vocation. It is a service oriented and action
oriented vocation.
But does it need to exclude contemplation?
I saw recently a post where a sweet mom said she felt guilty
that when the baby napped all she could do was just sit there. She couldn’t
muster the energy to take care of the chores or even craw into be herself. I responded that there isn’t anything wrong
with just sitting there. That is healthy.
Why does our culture tell mothers that they shouldn’t sit in
the silence? Why can’t we take an hour to read a book, or journal, or pray
without feeling guilty. Motherhood is
perfectly compatible with the contemplative life. When our children nap, when we finally tuck
them in, when we kiss them goodbye in the mornings, we are perfectly oriented
for quiet. Our normal life of service, of sacrifice, and of being self-donative
is perfectly primed for times of utter quiet.
We are physically exhausted but many of us are not intellectually
challenged. Yet we have at our
fingertips the ability to read Chaucer at the library while the kids are
singing those silly songs, or to sit in prayer while our little one nurses at 3
am.
With all four of my munchkins in school, most days I still
have a full day. And whereas the stranger on the street may not appreciate the
rosary said or the time spent in adoration, I know that that time was not
squandered. What better way to help my family than to pray for them? What
better way to grow as a mother than to grow in my spiritual life? What better
way to strengthen my marriage than to talk with God about it? My education and
my intellect is not being wasted because I am not receiving a paycheck. I say
this to myself as much as to you. My job as a mother I to raise little saints
for heaven. It is to support my husband in his role as our protector as
provider. Sometimes that means ironing his shirts, but sometimes that means
praying about a problem we are facing, and really spending time to listen to
the Lords guidance.
“It is to this silence [contemplative prayer] that we are
called”. – Henri Nouwen.
We live crazy, busy lives. Learning to slow down and
intentionally NOT join the craziness is counter-cultural. Some families really
rely on two incomes. Other moms are parenting solo and work just to put the
food on the table. Even in these situations, I encourage you moms to do
everything you can to cultivate times of contemplation into your every day. Developing a contemplative life within motherhood means making time for
prayer daily, being intentional about setting aside time and not being
discouraged when your vocation as motherhood pulls you away from your
conversation with the Lord. God isn’t a Genie that poofs away when a child
enters the room. He is always there. We can’t always sit in quiet meditation
but we can seek oneness with the Lord in the everyday.
My favorite Saint, St. Theresa of Avila says “contemplative
prayer in my opinion is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it
means taking time frequently to be alone with him who we know loves us” CCC2709. –St. Theresa of Avila
