Dr Mom Answers Again… Go To Marriage Tips

Last week while I was on my adventure vacation, I had to privilege of being featured again on A Mama Collective.    Fitting that the topic was GoTo Marriage Tips given that this week we celebrated our Wedding Anniversary.

For our anniversary this year we had dinner and then did spontaneously something new.  We each offered to work on something that we know bothers the other one.  After 14 years of marriage you KNOW when you are bothering your spouse. You don't have to ask or be told.   So my area was 'not putting stuff away'.  Now here is the thing, if I had said "what bothers you - okay I will work on that" it wouldn't have worked.  Instead I said "honey, I know it bugs you when I leave my stuff laying around.  Starting today I am going to really be conscious of putting my stuff away.  When I don't want to do it I am going to do it anyway as a gift to you".  See it came from ME - not from HIM.  I am choosing to do this for our marriage.  He then offered something up as well and neither of us got defensive or felt put out.  It was really cool.

So anyway, if you missed the Q/A it please check it out.  It is never too late to leave a comment or start a conversation!  If you have a question you want addressed let them know over at the collective and they will pass it on to me OR you can always leave it in the comment section.

Thanks for stopping by!

Character building adventure vacations

This year our character building adventure vacation was mild. And it was actually a good 6 years or so since we have been on one so I was anticipating all sorts of trouble.  Each year my parents and sister and her family head to Lake Powell.  Lake Powell is beautiful, fabulous, fantastic, and the source of most of my childhood vacation memories. 

Nit-picking on Mother's Day

Some people complain that their husband's nit-pick them.  Personally, right about now I am happy if ANYONE will nit-pick me, and I think it is pretty cool that my husband will sit and pick at my nits.  Yes, you heard me right.  Nits.  Those gross little things that live in your hair.  That was this year's Mother's Day gift.  Ironic that less than an hour after I post "How to end up NOT crying on Mother's Day", I get a phone call that has me speechless and panicked.  Are you itching yet?

The boys went with their dad to get a haircut, leaving me with the girls (napping) and me writing the Mother's Day post.  I had fully intended on joining my sleeping ladies, but just as I lay down the news broke.  And so started our Licecapade...  Not to be confused with Ice-capade, there isn't anything fun about Lice-capade.  No cute outfits, no pretty skaters, no bright lights, no cheerful music.

So rather than snuggle in the bed, I was stripping the bed.

Blogging at Traffic School

Yes, I know. Some of you are appalled at the title.  But let me explain.

Backstory - I was driving too fast.  I have a lead foot.  Last time I had traffic school I was pregnant with my 5 year old and fell victim to a photo radar shot of me on the freeway going just above the flow of traffic.  This time I was going home on the freeway access road and was going with the flow of traffic… the traffic on the freeway.  There wasn't any other traffic.  Well, except for the motor officer.

Anna had just spilled a drink in the back and I wasn't paying any attention to my speed.  I was too busy giving her the 3rd degree and yelling at the other kids to help.

Five Tips for a Great Mother's Day

My first few Mother's Day were a little rough.  This year I found myself surrounded with as much chaos as normal but somehow had peace.  So it got me thinking about those early years, ripe with expectation about the glorious gifts, the showering of affection and the tranquility that would no doubt befall our home.  Those were days of disappointment.  It wasn't because people weren't trying… rather it was because I wanted to be celebrated, honored, and adored ALL DAY LONG.  Not just for the amount of time it takes to read the greeting card.  "Well yeah" you say.   If you continue to expect that you will most likely end up crying in the bathroom and telling everyone you are "fine".

So here is how you keep yourself out of the  bathroom and keep a real smile on your face:

1- Lower your expectations for your spouse.  He really CAN'T be him AND you and do it as well as you would.  He is probably awesome at what he does do, but be realistic.  If he is lucky, then

Finding the Joy in Motherhood

A few years ago I was made aware of a very sad fact.  I am not a playful, joyful person.  I think that I used to be one, before I grew up, got serious and responsible, and had a husband and kids.  I really was a lot of fun.  Now I am all about business.  Having identified a problem, I am now implementing a plan to be more playful.  Look folks it doesn't happen overnight- I have to work at this.  I thought an easy place to start was being intentional about playing with the kids.   Problem is, I don't really like that kind of play.  I LOVE spending time with my kiddos 1:1, but their ways of spending free time and mine are vastly different.   Do any of us really get great joy from the act of having a tea party? I don't know, maybe some of you parents really DO love that and that is awesome.  I admire you.  Really, I do.
My path to holiness just hasn't taken me that far yet.  I find myself watching the clock wondering how many more times I am going to have to say "yummy" about the plastic cookie I am pretending to consume.  At least it is a calorie free cookie…

I seem to be unable to turn my mind off.  I catalogue all the things that I could be/should be doing instead.  I wonder if I am going to have time to make the dinner I planned or if I am going to have to do a quick short cut dinner instead.  And then, even sometimes, I find myself a little resentful that I am sitting there instead of doing what I really want to do or need to do.

So for a while, when making my ToDo list I included "do puzzle with Gracie" and "play board game with JR" .  You know, to give me some credit for that good play time.

Answer Me This: On becoming my mother, playing piano and more

Kendra, over at Catholic All Year,  has a fun little series called Answer Me This.  So I took on a new challenge to see if I could figure out how to link up with her series.  She poses the questions then we all answer them. A writer at heart I wrote it all up but then being a complete non-tech person I didn't actually figure out how to link it up.  Failure.  But since I had written it all I decided to just post it here for you.   This is an unusual post for me so don't get used to it… but I hope you enjoy.  As you read I hope that you will ask your self the same questions...

1. Are you becoming your mother?

Yes and No.   People like to say that daughters grow up to be like their mothers or opposite their mothers.  I don't think that is really true. I think that we learn from them but we have our own gifts and talents and dreams and we grow throughout our lives as mothers just as they continue to grow.  I love my mother and she is a great role model. I do look a lot like her.  Here she is on her wedding day full of smiles.

  

I would like to say that I am her in all the good ways… but maybe that isn't completely honest.

Kids and Nudity: Dr Mom Q/A

Ever wonder…

When should I stop being naked around my kids?

What about same sex family members 
(mom & daughter for instance, or two brothers together)?

What about the kids being naked?  
When should they stop being naked around others?

Come see the answers in my guest post at A Mama Collective.  

The Truth about the Tooth Fairy: She isn't perfect

My eleven year old son recently told us that he has know

"for like four years mom"

that the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy weren't real.  It wasn't a shock to him, but rather a slow unfolding, a mystery unveiling with each event when the supposed figure would move in-out of our lives.

The Easter Bunny only comes once a year but in a house with 3 kids who are loosing teeth and one who will someday soon begin, the Tooth Fairy might as well get her own bed and a seat at the table.  When Anthony was young, the tooth fairy (who was also younger) was a pretty reliable figure.  She showed up & paid up.  She was cheap, only offering up a quarter… but he was young and happy just to get something shiny in return for his tooth.  We even had a special little box for the teeth/coins.

As Anthony got older he started trying to find ways to increase he $$ return.  He would leave her notes explaining the amount of blood lost, or how hard he had to work to get the tooth out.  He even spent some time scrubbing one of his teeth to make it cleaner for her in hopes he may get more in return.  And it made sense because the tooth fairy was becoming more and more inconsistent as he got older.  And not just in terms of how much she left ($.25 - $2.00).

Some nights (gasp) she just didn't come.

No Pushing or Shoving: knowing when to back off your kids

When do you let them fail? When do you rescue them from certain doom?  When do you encourage them to do something to which they have committed? When do you just let go and let them drop out?

Leo's Story

I am starting this post on April 29.  It is the day after Leo was born.  It is also the day he died.  I don't know when it will be finished or published.  That is up to Leo's parents - I am just the storyteller.  But after the outpouring of love and support you all showed following God's Baby Shower, I knew the full story needed to be told.  It is still unfolding, but now that Leo has left us for the arms of the Lord, it seems appropriate to give you Leo's short but beautiful story.

Parenting a 5 year-old

Before I had a place of my own to gather my ramblings, Jenna at A Mama Collective gave me some space.  She asked me for some words on raising older kids, but what I came up with was this post:  Parenting a 5-year-old.  I just love this age.  It is such a refreshing time after the preschool years.  Here is my little tribute to my favorite 5 year old as she is on the cusp of turning 6!  Hope you enjoy!