Or maybe you could say I had the beginnings of my first panic attack.
In the deodorant isle.
Background - after his soccer game this weekend Anthony, complained that his under-arms were "just so sticky". Even though it is mid-late September he was playing AZ style in 100+ temperatures with humidity. Of course. His whole body was dripping in sweat but it was the under-arms that bothered him. I explained that he probably should start wearing and antiperspirant. So today I thought Anna and I would just pop in the drug store and grab some.
I passed the isle the first time and had to wrangle the extra large cart (in which Anna wanted to ride and I had already managed to 1/2 fill with stuff we didn't REALLY need) back around. She disappeared for the moment to look at Frozen dolls and sesame Street plastic plates. And that gave me just what I needed - time to over think the situation.
Sidebar: If you think this is going to be one of those brilliant posts (like all my other brilliant ones) about how to be a better mom and how to know and grow with your kid… sorry. Somedays I am a mess too. You can re-read a less emotional post by clicking here. This is the post is more of a "oh yeah - she really DOESN'T have it all together but I get it" type of post, possibly with some though provoking stuff at the end.
So, I am standing in the deodorant isle, and the thoughts go like this:
Oh cool, this is on sale 2/$5 perfect, wait is it both antiperspirant and deodorant? Oh, wait this other stuff says it doesn't have aluminum, but it is so expensive. does it really work ? because we tried this same brand of toothpaste and it tasted like Prep H cream (we know this because we got the tubes mixed up once while traveling you can laugh but - don't judge- they were the same size). I can't buy the antiperspirant because the toothpaste was nasty…crap…(I start reading labels)… is there aluminum is all of them…oh here this one doesn't but it is only a deodorant and his problem isn't stinking it is sweating definitely better to have an anti-perspirant and not a deodorant… but I guess aluminum is what makes it work must be because there are 50 brands here and only one without aluminum...am I a horrible mom for giving him aluminum… should I research this first?
it is probably going to give him cancer of the underarm or make him sterile but I guess he isn't putting it on his private parts do I need to tell him not to do that? He wouldn't do that right? Okay so aluminum it is I guess but def tell his dad to have the talk about where we use it and where NOT to put it… so now smell… my dad always used Old Spice and that smells so nice…do I want him smelling like a 60 something old man? Is he going to say 'hey this smells like grandpa'? Will he get teased for smelling like an old person? My dad smells so nice…okay so no Old Spice but nothing that smells sexy either. OH @#$% . Hold it. One day some GIRL is going to like him. Maybe soon. She is going to identify him by this smell and think it is sexy no matter what it get. I have flashbacks to high school and yes smell is very salient and matched with episodic memories. (there is a psychological reason for this but we aren't getting in that here). Is there any way to prevent a girl from snuggling up in his arm pits? Should I? Well at age 11 yes I can prevent it, but eventually no and that is when it is okay I guess. Yeiks. (this is where my palms get sweaty, my heart rate increases, my eyes tear, and the room begins to spin).
Mama - I haf go potty!
One of the tough things about having kids is that they keep growing. I have been raising this young man for the last 11.5 years. And everyday he is a new person. He is growing and changing. And I am met with new challenges and new milestones. Yesterday, the guy behind the counter at QT complimented me on my Anna and JR - then he said 'just wait until you have a 6th grader - phew'. I laughed and said that my 6th grader was at the field across the street playing soccer. We bonded on how 6th grade seems to be point of major change emotionally, physically, and psychologically for kids - and he is so right. It is called puberty. Anthony's siblings can and should be easier in some ways, but they are different little people, so I know that our challenges are going to unique to them.
I guess the take away point for the post is - hang in there. Even with a Phd in the Child Development I find myself freaking out in the deodorant isle. This parenting stuff is HARD. It is hard for us all but we are not in it alone. God has called us to his great and important task. Parenthood is a calling. It took a miracle to create that life and God chose you as the parent to shepherd this little soul through the formative years. With His grace you can do it and so can I. I will be praying for you and ask for your prayer as well!
Thanks for stopping by!