Giving up Naps - a reflection

I cling to nap time.  It is my buoy in the ocean of life.  Naps give peace. Quiet.  The time to think and reflect.  The opportunity to write or nap or make phone calls or pick up the toys.  Or just finally sit down.

But naptime is a stage - it doesn't last forever.  And here we are, at that point, and nap time has got to go.

My firstborn didn't need as much sleep as I thought he should.  I tried to make him conform to all the books, worried sick that his brain wouldn't develop optimally without the set amount of sleep.  My husband finally pointed it out that he just doesn't need as much sleep as I want him to get.

I finished my dissertation with him playing quietly in his crib.  He was 18 months when he stopped napping on a regular basis.  He never complained, so I would leave him in his crib to get 'quiet time' while I wrote.  Every now and again he would actually fall asleep, but I think now that was due to sheer boredom.  Even now he needs less sleep than do I.

My second and third-borns are champion sleepers.  Gracie still naps about once a week and she turns 8 this summer.  She was one of those kids who really did sleep through the night before she hit her 2 month birthday.  JR wasn't quite that good, but still these two don't complain about going to bed at night and often are the last ones up.  They seem to like sleep, beds, pillows, all of that lovely stuff.

And then we have my adventuresome spirit. I wrote about protecting her naps and flexibility a while back (read more here).  Anna now takes her nap and sleeps well, but then she is a awake until 10 at night.  We tuck the girls in at 730 and (much like Anthony) then she lays in bed.  Or gets up and lays out her clothes (and her sister's clothes) for the next day.  Or she looks at books.  Or she asks for more water only to then need to go to the bathroom again.  And again.  Then she tries on shoes.  Then she is hungry.  Sometimes she is quiet and we think she fell asleep, only to find her laying in bed with her feet up on the wall just thinking.  The kids don't have toys in their rooms so her entertainment options are pretty limited, but sometimes she even gets dressed for the next day.  Good grief.

The Real Story: Miscarriage

Every few weeks I seem to get a prayer request for a fellow mom who has lost an unborn baby because of miscarriage.  Each time I find myself re-living my own experience, and I pray that my St. Lily and all those who make up the Army of Baby Saints will pray for these grieving moms.  The loss of every child is a unique experience, but knowing that I was not alone in my suffering brought great comfort when I needed it most.  I thought it was time I shared gave back too, and shared about how Lily came to be and left before any of us were able to hold her.  This is our story.  This is her story.

When we got married, Bob wanted two kids and I wanted three.  He used to say we compromised and had three, but then Anna came along so now with four kids we just laugh...

But back in the days before JR and Gracie and Anna, there was just a Mom and a Dad, and a little boy with blond hair and blue eyes.  We took our little Anthony with us on an adventure from Arizona to Oregon for a temporary relocation associated with my husband's work.  It was a wonderful time away.  I always thought I wanted to live where it rained a lot, and I had visions of playing with Anthony at the park every morning while I sipped my coffee wrapped in a lovely wool sweater.  I didn't realize the park would always be mushy and muddy and the swings and slides would be wet.  But I digress.  When we were about 1/2 way through our 10 month stay we decided we should have another baby.  Anthony was about 16 months old and I was finishing off my dissertation, eager to graduate and be called Dr. Hackett, if only by my little guy. 

As with Anthony, I conceived fairly easily.  We only told family about the pregnancy 'in case something happened'.  I don't think we really had any idea what that even meant.

Answer me this: My Dependable Dad

Building on last weeks Answer-me-this from Catholic All Year we have the Father's Day Edition.  Thanks for Kendra for hosting us in this fun link-up.  Be sure to check out the other answers to her great questions.

What is the best thing about your dad?

He is dependable. If he says he will be somewhere or do something he will.  He is wont get sick, or hurt, or forget, or change his mind, or flake out.  He will be there when you need him to be there.  I remember my grandmother hugging him at my grandfather’s funeral. She was pretty wrecked and she just leaned into him and turned to me.  She said “your dad is so dependable”. Even though that was 20 years ago the comment she made really stuck with me. 

What is the best thing about my kid’s father?

His love is so transparent in his actions. He loves to be with the kids and I.  Even when they (dare I say we) are a challenge… he doesn’t seem to need alone time, or away time. He just wants to be with us. 

What’s the best advice your dad ever gave you?

Keep the rifle butt tight against our shoulder when you shoot… or maybe to get a big bucket handy when I take apart the plumbing under the sink… or it could be his advice to always make sure you bring all the tools to the project at the start of the project…or to butter and toast both sides of a grilled cheese sandwich…I really could go on forever here.  My dad was/is full of practical advice. 

What’s something you have in common with your dad?

Peanut butter and spies.  I am a creamy peanut butter kind of girl and I love a good spy novel just like my dad.  I also would say we both like to keep busy. He always has a crazy number of different projects in motion and I too seem to have so much that I want to do!

What’s the manliest thing you know how to do?

Unclog a sink? Change a tire?  Lay a hardwood floor? Do those count? Just don’t tell anyone. I would rather not do those things!

Who is your favorite fictional dad?

I don’t really have one I don’t think.  I am really good at data-dumping fictional stuff. I read it or watch it and enjoy it, but then I don’t retain the characters or even frequently the plot.  One of my favorite characters in all of fiction is Jean Val Jean from Les Miserables.  He is a foster-adoptive father to I guess he would qualify.  Really my own dad is pretty much the stuff of legends so not even the fictional world can compare. 

Thanks for stopping by to think with me!

How to Raise a Reader: 4 quick tips

Four tips to help you child

developing a love for reading

Model reading

The most effective way to raise a reader is simply by being one yourself. Don't feel guilty about bringing a paperback to the park, or to the doctors office, or sitting down to read for a while on the weekend. Let your kids see they reading is worthwhile, enjoyable, and valuable.

Let them pick their books  

I hate Barbie and princesses... But my 1st grader loves them.  When we needed to really motivate her to take that next step in reading alone we took a trip to the library and found all the Barbie and Disney princess books we could find. She is tearing through them now.  JR likes nonfiction and comic-book style fiction, but not novels.  Anthony loves a good novel. Let them find the right style for them and encourage it.  Same goes for method of reading. I don't like electronic stuff but that is just because I love books. If your kids will read on a kindle then let them do it.   

Don't turn down a quick story 

A easy reader story take just a few minutes.  If your kids bring you a book (even if it is a Barbie book), make time for that story. I was able to follow this practice easily until I had 4 kids- now it is a but harder. But whatever your schedule, show your kids that reading is a good way to connect with you and a great way for them to get your attention for a little while.

Share stories even after they can read themselves 

You do this two ways. First by continuing to read to them after they have developed their skills. Find some good read aloud books and just keep the bedtime story a part of your routine. For a while we did 1:1 time. I would read a book and the. Gracie would read a book.  I read to JR as often as our schedule will permit it although it isn't as often as I want. But it is time for just the two of us which if lovely!  Secondly, once they are really developed readers, read some of the same materials.

Parts is Parts...Pre and post surgical ramblings about reproduction.

I was recently told that I may need a hysterectomy.  Not that I DID need one, but that if my little surgery this week didn't resolve things, that a hysterectomy was the next step.

I am not freaking out.  I am contemplative. I think if I was just told "you need a hysterectomy" I would bypass the contemplative state and move into placation-mode.  If you are told that you must have some procedure, or you receive a diagnosis of some sort, you don't have the luxury of mulling over the idea.  You have to act. You are removed from the philosophical into the reality that you are experiencing.  So here I am with some time to really think about how I feel about all of this. Writing is how I do that and since I am a blogger you get to come along on this journey of the mind.

A while back I wrote a piece about my body falling apart.  It happens.  Five pregnancies in 8 years, 4 live births via c-section, and one miscarriage, takes its toll.  I wrote

And the answer is we fix what is broken, not because we don't like the way it looks 

but rather because it doesn't work any more  

Part of my body isn't working any more and sadly it concerns my reproductive organs.  So we are fixing what is broken and that may entail just removing it all.

I know in NFP circles we often joke about wanting to go through early menopause, but it really isn't such a great time.  It isn't a horrible time either, but it can be kind of rough.  Menopause following a hysterectomy comes on suddenly and can be a bit more rough.  Instead of your body slowing down product of hormones it just stops.  Hormone replacement can be helpful but now we are getting into the medical part of it all and that isn't my area of expertise.  Early menopause eliminates the need for NFP obviously because you aren't fertile any more so I have mixed feelings about that too (read more). 

I think with much in life we can look at things as good or bad, but sometimes they are neither.  

Is it bad that I may not be able to have more kids naturally? Is it good since we already have 4? Is this God's way of saying we should continue to look at fostering?

Maybe in situations like this what is good or bad is how we respond to it all.

Fertility is a gift.  It is not a right. It is not something to be taken advantage of nor is it something to be manipulated for our own selfish desires and measures. I know families with lots of kids (by Catholic standards even) who have as many or even more babies in heaven.  Most people don't even know that although their arm are full, they have shed many tears for those babies who they never met.  I have friends how have carried babies to term, only to bury those babies.   They think about those little souls every day.  I have friends who have adopted babies after struggling with fertility or miscarriages and those babies are every bit as much theirs as their biological babies.  Was it their plan? No, it was God's plan and He always has a better plan than ours!

When we look at a couple or a family we never know their story, their struggles, their private prayers, the suffering they have endured.  Life is a gift.  The ability to cooperate with God the Almighty in His plan for life in this world is an honor.

I guess as it all comes around and my pontificating comes to an end... I surrender my fertility to God just as I always have.  If I need to be done with stage of my life so be it.  There are many ways to be generative and life-giving and I have these little faces to remind myself of that ongoing assignment from the Lord.

Thanks for stopping by to think with me!
Post-script: My surgery went well! Thanks for your prayers.  They think they found the source of my pain but weren't able to resolve it.  I need another specialist to do that, but like this procedure it is simple and should have a quick recovery. 

The Real Story: My love-hate relationship with NFP

Like most Catholics who practice NFP I hate it and I love it both. 

A friend and mother of six beauties summed it up well when she said "I know that if I want to, you know, then I should only, you know, if we are ready for another baby".  

Engaging in the marital embrace is something that is not done on a whim unless you are open to another baby.  When you are postponing conception, the marital act is a highly anticipated and carefully charted-for-event. And that is what I hate about it.  

I hate having to say no.  

I feel like my body deceives my husband. It sends out pheromones and I maybe I flirt, but once the kids are tucked we really are slaves to the chart.  And that stinks. 

I love it because each month my husband has to wait for me.  I love it because he knows what is going on with me and cycle.  I love it because it has freed my body of the toxins. I love it because I am able to give myself to my husband freely and receive his love in return.  

I love it because it gave us Anna.  

We decided to risk it and break the rules and here she is 

Most recently, practicing NFP has helped me to more deeply understand the union of husband & wife.  In the model of the trinity, husband and wife are like God the Father and God the Son - and from the love of the father and the son comes forth the Holy Spirit.  The love between God the Father and God the Son brings forth the Holy Spirit.  

Similarly, the love that my husband and I share is multiplied - sometimes (5 times in our case) in the form of a child.  

But in reality it is multiplied many more times that just when we conceive.  The love between a husband and wife is a love that can't be visibly seen.  

The marital embrace is the love that cools hurt feelings. It is the love that washes away annoyance.  It is the love that brings forth charitable acts and thoughtful comments.

When you routinely go without the opportunity to share in that life-giving act of love, you are able to notice the difference in your marriage, and your appreciation for that gift grows. 

So here's to lots of marital embraces… and learning patience and self-control too.

Thanks for stopping by to think with me!

Catholic All Year: The Triumphant Return of Answer Me This!

Catholic All Year: The Triumphant Return of Answer Me This!

Kendra at Catholic All Year is hosting a link up entitled Answer Me This.  It is a great chance to share a little personally and get to know other bloggers as well. I tried it once before and didn't do so well…but the summer is a great chance to try again!  I will be trying to join her so look for it as a new Summer Sunday Series and I hope you enjoy!

1. Any big plans for the summer?

London is calling.  Last year we planned a great escape - well sort of.  We got passports and looked at plane tickets.  That was as far as it got.  Prices were crazy and we just couldn't make the dream materialize.  So we made it a little trip to California instead.  The beach was awesome, the kids were great, and the company fantastic.  Following that trip, we recommitted to trying to make it over the pond for a grown-up getaway.  And BINGO!  We scored the right tickets for the rights price and we are outta here come July.  We are only gone for less than a week but really how long can we leave our kiddos at this point?  Oh and that thing called a job.

The kids were feeling really neglected so we found another place on the beach and we are going to all go on a little trip soon. I am so ready to get out of this AZ heat (already!!).

2. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?

That my stuffed animals came alive at night.  But really that isn't weird. Don't all kids believe that? They protected me while I slept. I used to line them up on the foot of my bed.

3. What is your favorite amusement park ride? 

(can be a specific one at a specific park or just a type of ride)

Roller coasters.  Is there any other kind? We haven't taken the kids to Disneyland yet, but I am really excited about roller coaster-ing with them. This next year I think we will take the Disney plunge.  The boys love coasters already and I know Anna will because she is such a daredevil already.  I think Gracie will be able to hang with us too once she hits the height and weight limits.

4. What's on your summer reading list?

I am currently reading Love Does. It is awesome.  I generally need some novels too however.  I would love to read Chesterton's Father Brown series because I am obsessed with the TV show, but I haven't been able to find them at the library. If it isn't carried at the library or Costco, I generally don't read it.  I am all about convenience.

5. Have you ever fallen asleep in public?

I generally can't fall asleep anywhere BUT the last few times I have gone for reflexology I have conked out. Seriously. ZZZZZZZ…. Twice I have woken myself up snoring. Totally embarrassing. 

6. What is your favorite smell?

Jasmine blooming & orange blossoms are probably my top two scents.  My college had a plethora of Orange trees and when they bloomed the whole campus smelled delightful!


Thanks for stopping by! Be sure to head over to Catholic All Year to read more...

Sodality: How I came to be a "Church Lady"

For a few years, now a dear friend of mine has been inviting me to the Ladies Sodality meeting at our church.  This ministry has been together for almost 66 years (which is a long time for our fairly new church) and serves the parish and community in a variety of ways.  I spoke to the ministry as a guest when I started the Mom's Ministry and again when I helped get our Women's Study program up and going at our parish.   

But becoming a member? The meetings were nice, and the ladies were lovely, but the description of the ministry didn't sound all that appealing: 

Women of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel who are above the age of sixteen and registered in the parish interested in serving our parish through hospitality and fellowship in a variety of ways. This year Sodality celebrates 64 years at OLMC; our volunteers host bake sales – raising money for the parish Easter candle and an annual scholarship for one young woman graduating from OLMC and attending Catholic high school; cleaning the Sacristy Friday mornings; washing and ironing small table linens; making baptismal bibs; and providing delicious refreshments for RCIA and other parish programs and events.

All I read was bake, clean, wash, iron, sew, bake again.  And all I could think - 

 I already have those jobs. 

I don't want them in my free-time too.  

But my friend kept inviting me and I kept coming.  And slowly Our Mother worked on my heart and opened my eyes.  

First of all the description of the group is lacking.  If I were to describe this ministry it would be as such:

Women of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel who are above the age of sixteen and registered in the parish are invited to join our parishes longest running ministry. The Sodality is a lifelong commitment to join the Army of Our Blessed Mother Mary.  A multi-age group, we are a community of women who meet regularly for community building, fellowship, food, and prayer.  We care for the needs of the parish and larger community though our personal service, through our prayer groups, and by raising funds for the church (for items such as the Easter Candle, as well as for incidental gifts such as student scholarships).  

The ministry is not about washing and cleaning, although those tasks do need to be accomplished at every parish.  

Rather, Sodality is a group of people striving to be holy.  The word sodality actually means Union of prayer, or fellwoship  or friendship. These women in our parish's sodality are single, married, young and old.  Some have children others do not.  But we all share a devotion to Our Blessed Mother and God's Holy Church.  Sodality members have been saints and even popes, but mostly they are people just like us.

I have wondered a bit what took me so long to say yes to this ministry and officially become a "Church Lady".  


And it is pride.  

At our parish this ministry has a reputation of being a group for the old ladies - you know - the "Church Lady" played by Dana Carvey on SNL. Hilarious, but not something I want to be.  

After attending for a while I found myself asking -why wouldn't I join? These are awesome and holy women whose ages span from teens to 90 years olds.     

During the induction ceremony (yes I got "jumped in" by the ladies), I had to commit to strive to be a woman of virtue, who practiced Faith, Hope, and Charity.  I am to be held accountable for my actions to Our Mother, and to these women for life.  They will serve as mentors and guides as I navigate my own path to holiness, and someday perhaps I will be able to follow their lead and grow to be a worthy mentor myself.  

We meet one Saturday morning each month... won't you consider joining us?

What is stopping you right now? What is holding you back from taking that next step on your journey to Christ? Have you invited others to join you on your journey? Ask today, ask tomorrow, and keep asking.  Someday we will say yes!  

Thanks for stopping by to think with me!