Thursday, February 26, 2015

A Gift of Sisterhood

I was having a Bad-Mommy-Moment.  You know, one of those times when I JUST MESSED-UP?

We were driving home from the noon-time soccer game which should have been a nice game but wasn't.  Everyone seemed whiny and it was super sunny (I know most of the country is snowed in but it was a tad bright over here in sunshine land), so the kids were jockeying for shade and spilling drinks… you get the picture.  It was one of those times where I felt we had set up the siblings to be good sideline support, but it just didn't work.

I just wanted to watch Anthony play.  I suppose I was being greedy.

At the end of the game I piled the girls into the car with the grand expectation (hope?) that they would fall asleep.  It was after all 90 minutes past nap time and they were well-feed.

They were cranky and I was cranky too.

Just as we hit the freeway they started at IT.  Doing the sibling thing.
Elbowing.   Leaning on each other.  Pinching.  Squealing.  It was like nails on a chalkboard and I am on the freeway.  I ask nicely. I point out the benefits of being nice. Gracie straightens, up but Anna continues to play the role of a tyrant.  I threaten.  I plead.  I take away whatever she is holding that I can actually reach.  She has a little plastic cap in her hands so that is now mine.  But now her whining is transformed into crying.  But at least now she isn't hitting Gracie.

I try to check out mentally and focus on something else.  Anything else but the sobs that are coming from directly behind me.  I notice that I am driving WAY over the speed limit and address that, lest I see blue and red in the rear-view mirrors.

The crying is now hysterical.  She has thrown her paci and is seriously beside herself.  I try to reach it but can't.  I tell the girls "I  CAN'T reach it.  I am DONE!".  Actually I say that twice just in case they didn't hear it the first time although I doubt my volume was an issue.  "I AM DONE!"

And then the crying stops. All of a sudden.  Panic ensues of course - maybe Anna is having a crying induced seizure.  Is that even such a thing?

I look in the mirror and see the girls just holding hands.  Gracie finds the paci amongst the family-trail-mix which makes up the floor of the car.  She has quietly given it to Anna during my rant.

Then in her sweetest, calmest voice, Gracie asks "Mamma - will you please give Anna her cap back?"

Hang on - all this started because she was pinching YOU.  In a manner of 10 minutes - a LONG 10 minutes - they have gone from having fun, to beating each other, to crying, to best buddies taking care of one another.  And what have I done to help this? I have yelled, and pleaded, and threatened, and taken things away.

In the end, it was them LOVING one another, 
that put a stop to all the the drama and pain.

God willing these two girls are going to have a long life together as sisters.  They will go through heartaches and heartbreaks, they will fight over clothes (already do) and chores, and maybe boys. They will want their privacy, and compare themselves to one another, and maybe even pull away, but in the end they will always have one another - Like today when I am here, but not living up to my own or anyone else's standards for motherhood.  And when I am gone too, hopefully many, many years from now.

We are a family.  There are going to be times when one of us just won't be able to do what is needed but as a family, there are other members there to step up.  At ages 3 and 6 my girls already understand this.

I remember talking with my own sister after my Great Aunt passed.  She pointed out that our grandmother and her sister were widows in their final years.  All their other family with whom they had a shared past was gone.   It was just the two sisters and of course us - the legacy that followed.  But these two sisters had been there for one another for their whole lives. They had fought over space, and clothes and boys.  They had argued over chores and fairness, just as my sister and I did, and as my daughters do. But they were there to help one another through the tough times as well.  To hold each others hands.  To give each other what they needed.  Today it is a pacifier, down the road it may be a place to stay, or a firm but loving 'reality check'.  Through it all however, they will be there to love one another, and help put a stop to some of their pain.

The gift of sisterhood was not mine to give.  The Lord chose them for one another, and I was just a delivery method.  But I am so glad it am able to witness this relationship as it unfolds. And I am so glad they have each other to cling too during my bad-mommy moments!

Thanks for stopping by to think with me and be sure to check out the other posts on family at Blessed is She.

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