Seven Quick Takes

I am linking up with Kelly over at This Ain't the Lyceum for my first 7 quick takes, 

so mucho thanks to Kelly for hosting!

Since this is my first 7QT so I thought I would go for 

the easy stuff first and do seven reasons to read my blog.

Actually doing the link up was harder. Somehow I got an image of ME on the link instead of the carefully crafted image above.  No, I am not vain, I am just fairly incompetent!  Now on to the 7QT...

1.  Reading this blog is way more interesting than the dishes or laundry.  Besides, you will get to those eventually and in the mean time more will be dirtied.  You might as well finish your coffee first while you read this.  The dishes will always wait.

2.  I wrote it just for you.  Really.   I don't like diaries or journals.  My blog is not a place for me to doodle my thoughts for my own pleasure.  I sit down with the intent of producing something that will enrich your life, not mine.

3.  It is a great way to pass the time.  Kind of like being in a casino.  Lots of stuff to look at and a lots of journalistic rabbit holes to travel down.  Time is something I am sure you have in excess (don't we all?) along with money and patience.

4.  It will make you feel better about yourself.  Think of like going running with someone who is really out of shape.  Even if you are out of shape too, you feel better about yourself.  Honestly we are all struggling through this together.  I have a PhD in child development and an awesomely involved husband and I still feel like I am pulling my hair out most days.   Reading about our struggles and solutions should help you to feel better about where you are and where you are going!

5.  You should get at least a nugget or two out of each post.  I try to make sure each post has something practical to help you with your parenting journey. Sometimes it is stuff you can file away in the mental filing cabinet, other times it is something that you could use immediately.  Either way it is practical.

6.   I went to school for a really long time and think I have finally found my second calling… a place to bring together knowledge from research and parentings and then filter it though my Catholic lens.  Your readership gives the confidence that this IS in fact where God wants me!

7.  I want to get to know you, and know how I can help you in your vocation of parenthood.  So leave me a note, read some of my other posts, ask me a question, let me know your thoughts.  I called my blog Parenting with Peer Review because I think parenting is something that is peer reviewed all the time.  So lets be honest about it here and tell me what you think!  I mean really, how often does someone ASK you to comment about their parenting styles and strategies!  Ironically enough my first post was all about how inappropriate it is to do just that!

But really, THANK YOU for stopping by. I hope you find something that you like here and return often!

Toddler sleep struggles and solutions

I wrote this post a few months ago and somehow it got lost in my drafts.  I expect I was waiting to really test out our plans before I hit 'publish', but for whatever reason it was saved for today.  So here you go… Another post on sleep!

I had a hard time coming up with a creative title for the post, but I blame it on sleep deprivation.
I had to take some of my own advice and re-evaluate our situation after the Thanksgiving vacation.  Or staycation (I guess) since we didn't go anywhere.  I feel like just when we get through one sleep issue, like night terrors with JR, or growing pains with Gracie, we have to start working on another issue.

This year has been much better for Anna's sleep in general and she is getting good naps - I am a HUGE fan of the nap! But once again, I feel like the 4th child is getting lost in the mix.  So my engineer husband and I created a plan - with the help of my sister who is a self-taught sleep specialist.  Honestly, I love being surrounded by bright and educated women who READ!  Sleep deprived and somewhat stressed out, I knew that if I called my sister she would have some advice.  And voila.  It worked the FIRST NIGHT!

The problem is that this weekend Anna was still awake at 11pm!!  We would put her to bed and she would just pop out again with 100 reasons why she can't sleep. The past week or two this has become an issue. We have adjusted our reactions, but the behavior persists.

The problem is clear.  We have set her up to fail.  Little lady (almost 3 years old now) has been in the awesome habit of snuggling with daddy and mommy on the couch while after the middle two are tucked in (between about 730 and 8pm), while Anthony often finishes his homework, until about 9pm.  I read to the middle two while Dad hangs with Anna.  That often includes turning on the TV to watch the news.  So when I come in the living room, I plop down and snuggle up and Anna is supposed to be winding down.  When she was really little I would nurse her, and then when she weaned I would rock her, and now we just veg out.  When the news gets boring, we turn on one of our shows.  Sometimes it is something fabulous from my BBC friends, like Father Brown or Downtown Abbey, or Sherlock Holmes.  When those aren't on, we turn to something like NCIS or the Mentalist.  Basically, we watch detective shows and those almost always include dead bodies and blood.  I know.  Parent of the Year.  My husband thought it was really cute to teach her to cover her eyes when he said 'eye muffs'.  Um. Doesn't me mean 'blind fold'?  Anyhow.  That started just this week when we she started asking me "wha is haping?"

The funny part of this is when Anthony the Firstborn was a baby (and I mean BABY baby) we would put him on the coffee table facing us (not the TV) anytime the TV was on.  I didn't even want him watching the most innocent of programs.  I am highly restrictive of the programs the older kids see still.  Yet here I am  explaining a homicide to my two-year-old daughter.  I guess that isn't really funny.  Well not haha funny… OK...moving on.

So obviously the first part of this problem is to turn off the Stupid Box.  No more TV.   She was saying she was scared and that makes sense.  We have a plan for nightmares, but if she hasn't fallen asleep yet that isn't the problem.  The problem was letting her watch stuff that was probably scary for her.

We had been waiting until she was really tired before putting her in bed.  The girls share a room and we want to make sure Gracie is asleep before putting Anna down, especially since she is in a toddler bed and not a crib. I really didn't want her getting out of bed a bazillion time.  That was a hard transition.  But the 730 or 800 time somehow stretched to 830 or 900 or 915.  And now she isn't just tired she is overtired.

When the brain is really tired and trying to stay awake it seeks out stimulation.  Subconsciously it tells itself "stay awake stay awake stay awake".  So her arms are busy playing with the blanket, her legs kick and bounce off the mattress.  She gets up to try-on shoes.  She plays with her sister's lip glosses.  She talks to her stuffed animals.  She turns on all the lights.  She looks at books.  None of these are naughty things alone… well maybe getting into there sisters stuff is… but the rest is totally acceptable.  Just not at 1030 pm.  All of these things are little ploys on her part to try to stay awake, because for the last 2 or 3 or 4 hours she her brain has been working tirelessly (pun intended) on staying up.

Tweens and Technology: Getting your kids a phone

I have done three different revisions of this post in the past month - the changes to each unpublished post reflect our thought processes as we moved from

 "Yes, he should have a phone. What a lovely idea" 

to 

"What kind of phone should he have?"  

and "What should the terms be?" 

to 

"Are we crazy? 

No way he is getting a phone"

We never actually said yes, but nonetheless our poor son has emotional whiplash from the back and forth and our indecision.    In hopes that you and your kiddos can avoid the same craziness, I am posting some the things to think about before going down the phone road.  Maybe you can have a more thorough reflection process than did we.  

Every family has different needs, so everyone is going to think about these issue differently.   There is no right answer here - just what is right for you.  As with my other posts when I write about something that relates to my sons I just naturally use the generic term he, when it relates more to my daughters I use the term she.  No offense intended.

Things to consider

1) Does he need a phone?  If he needs a phone it is a tool for communication. If he does not need it then it is just a cool (expensive) toy.

Coping with Sick Kids

We have had a little bout of the tummy bug in the house this week.

All parents know that sick kids mean a few things:

Photo credit

Normal eating is suspended as the BRAT (bananas, rice applesauce and toast) diet is introduced slowly.  Regular naps are tossed aside as 'down time' and dozing is encouraged.  Having one sick child is hard enough, but having a whole gaggle of sick kiddos is something else entirely. In our house we really put an effort into keeping the germs from spreading. Here are some things that have worked for our family as we try to quarantine the sickies and cope as best we can.

Tweens and Technology: The personal iPad

A little bit of background first...My husband is a bit of a Techie.  He is an electrical engineer by training and works in the tech field.  We have an old iPad, and old iTouch and an old iPhone - and we let the kids play with those on roadtrips.  Mostly they just watch movies that we have loaded up to help pass the time.  I have an iPhone with exactly 2 games on it.  The kids rarely ask to borrow my phone (it is boring) and they know better than to even touch my new (password protected) laptop! Thanks Santa. 

A little while back, Anthony (11) decided that he wanted ‘his own’ device because although we have the other ones, they are really just for trips.  So he saved his allowance, and saved his birthday money, and eventually purchased an iPad-mini on his own (with our permission).   In the past year that he has owned it, we have had one issue related to playing an online game – Clash of Clans.   He accepted someone into his clan who he did not know in real life.

After discussing our concerns he chose to close up his clan and stop playing online games entirely.   The whole experience really freaked him out and I am glad he was able to see how easy it is to fall into a 'friendship' with a perfect stranger. 

http://www.morguefile.com/archive/#/?q=ipad

I heard something on one of the Catholic radio shows that really stuck with me at right while we were discussing this with him. 

Getting Organized at Home

I have a confession to make.  No priest needed.  This is just between us.  I have a problem with piles

Big piles, little piles, piles of books, piles of papers.

I try making the piles go vertical so that they are easier to move around and they look less like a pile.  

But they are still piles.  I get that. 

I move those piles into spaces where I won't see them because I don't like clutter.

My husband detests clutter.  But thankfully he loves me more than he hates my piles.

I am generally a very tidy person - well clean anyway - maybe not tidy.  Our kitchen is wiped down every night and we rarely have dishes in the sink for longer than it takes to run the dishwasher.  But every so often I feel myself getting pushed to the edge with my piles and the disorganization of the STUFF hiding in the corners of my house.

A friend mentioned that she was going to try to get some organization done in the coming months so I took her for her word and offered a way that we could be encouraging and also hold one another accountable. I promised her I wouldn't blog about her stuff.   Each week we are tackling a space.  It can be a room, a closet, the pantry, the craft area - whatever.  We text one another our before and after photos.  It is that simple.  Except when you forget to take the before photos.

BEFORE

Before the kids went of Christmas break I had a friend come help me with the playroom.  This before photos was when it was particularly bad… not normal bad.  It was often usually pretty messy, but I took this photo this summer ago because I wanted documentation for my husband of how bad it got before we cleaned it up.  Or maybe it was a warning text so that he wouldn't be shocked when he came home.

But I digress.  I had a friend come over because it was essential that I had someone there to tell me "throw that crap away!".  Oh and she is a part-time designer and used to work in the consignment field - she was really over qualified.  But if you need help from someone else for a particularly challenging area, ask a friend to come over and help.   Put on a movie for the kids to watch and roll up your sleeves.

We had four piles - trash, keep, donate, consign.  Every drawer or basket was emptied an put into one of those four piles.

AFTER

The baskets up top were actually empty and have been since moved too - yeah!

We ended up with 3 giant trash bags, a carload for consignment and donation, and a cleaned up playroom that has stayed that way for the month!  The key to it staying organized was not so much having more space - it was having less stuff.  All the "chachkies" - that was a new term for me- had to go.  Those are the McDonalds toys, the fairies who lost their wings, the puzzles with missing pieces etc. Also tossed were mostly-colored-in coloring books, books with torn covers, and lots and lots of broken crayons.   It was amazing how much of that stuff was clogging up their drawers really preventing them from having a separate space for the toys they actually play with.

Each week I am going to post a new space - pre and post to help encourage any of you to get organized and reduce your stress as a parent.  I will probably post most of them on Facebook and Instagram under #tidyspacehappyplace because they won't warrant an entire post.

Bottom line here on the parent part -  If your kids know where their toys belong they are more likely to put them away.  If the space is cleared up they are more likely to want to play. As far as your areas go, if you know where your scissors are you aren't less likely to snap when they ask you to cut off (another) itchy tag from their shirt.   Taking just one space a week as a goal will help us to not be too obsessed with the house rather than the home.

Keeping your home in order is not the same as keeping your house in order.  Anyone can keep house - clean organized etc.  Keeping a home in order is all about the love you share and the respect you show one another.  As you go about cleaning up you don't get crazy with your kids.  It is easy to loose it when kids are just being kids.  Remember they are all brain damaged so no, it isn't obvious to them that dirty clothes should go in the dirty clothes bin!

Blog Expectations for 2015

I am not one for New Years resolutions.  We are almost into the third week of January and I wonder about all those folks who have already forgotten their resolutions for this year!   I think that if something is worth doing you should just do it.  That said, I am a huge fan of intentionality, so logically I can not be a critic of resolutions because I think they drive more intentional behavior.  I just don't do my own resolutions. 

As I look out in the blogging world I see the landscape is filled with some pretty cool ideas for New Year blog posts.  Year in Review stuff like my Mosts Posts, but also 'resolution' type posts too.  The one that stuck with me the most was a post about the importance of setting your readers expectations for the year.  I write for you so really you are my boss.  This post therefore is like a little 1:1 where I get to tell you what I hope to do, and then you can comment in response!

First, regarding comments.  I have been really disappointed that my blog doesn't drive more comments because I really think that what you have to say is as important as what I have to say.  That said, I can see that I have a decent number of readers out there - I just don't seem to get much back-and-forth.  

Then I read that comments are actually a fading 'fad' in blogging. So really, I like to think that I must be cutting edge now (rather than thinking that I am failing in this area!).  Apparently, the online discourse has moved to social media.  So there may be quite a lot of buzz about a post, but it takes place outside of the original blog posts (and away from the author).  For bloggers who tweet or post on Pinterest or Instagram they have discussions there too, but it often doesn't take place on the actual blog.  I also understand that my blog is a pain because you have to log in.  I am working on that.  

But what does that mean for me this year.  Basically, I am not going to worry about the comments/or lack of comments.  I am just going to write the best content I can and let you all share and discuss as you like. I always welcome comments of course because I really do want to stay engaged in the conversation, but I won't stress about it any more. 

Secondly, as a new blog I have taken this first 10 months or so to get my feet wet.  I have had some help from many blogging friends and am going to continue to make little tweaks here or there to may my page easier to view and navigate.  Feel free to comment on any post if you have ideas or frustrations about the page. I often see it only as an administrator and so if there is something tough in how it loads to a mobile device for instance I won't know unless you tell me. So open door policy. Tell me if there are any problems.

Third, I am going to focus on more quality content and networking with some other good bloggers for guest posts.  That may mean I post elsewhere a few times, or I may have guest on this blog. There is a great network of catholic women bloggers that I would love to introduce you to. 

Next, I am going to finish off some post series.  I have done a few Part A posts and not done the Part B posts.  I did one on being a Mother-in-law but didn't yet do the daughter-in-law post.  I did one on friendship that needs some follow up as well.  And I still owe you all a post on eating vegetables.  I haven't forgotten. It is coming. I even have a photo or two for that post.

(Almost) finally, I am not going to worry about my numbers, but I do want to encourage you to share your favorite posts of mine through whatever social media you use.  Sharing my content helps me to build my readership.  I really see my writing as a ministry, so sharing even non-religious posts helps others to get familiar with my page and may get them reading other most faith-based stuff as well. 

Lastly, a little while ago I came across a wonderful idea of setting a "Word of the Year".  I caught the idea from my friend Jenna over at a mama collective (also the brains behind Blessed is She that awesome online devotional for which I write!).  She explained that she sets a word of the year to really focus on. So I am up to that challenge and sharing it with you as a way of helping me stay accountable.  My word for 2015:

KINDNESS

That is my word.  I know that I have kindness in my heart (most of the time) but I don't always have it in my tone of voice.  I have been increasingly disturbed to hear echoes of my tone and even harsh words, come from my oldest child's voice. So the time is now to fix this situation and be sure that I am speaking kindness and practicing kindness all year long.  

Values are caught, not taught after all and our children are little sponges soaking up all that they see and hear from us.  

So that wraps it up.  If there is anything you want to see from me this year, message me on Facebook or leave me a comment below (or after any post really). I get those straight to my email so I can reply! 

Thanks for stopping by!

Some of that Gross Stuff Parents Don't Discuss

Let's get a little nasty shall we? Parenthood is really a wonderful vocation, but one can't ignore the disgusting part.  Before you have kids, people rarely tell you about the gross stuff.  You hear about ear infections and tummy aches.  You may hear about something exotic (actually very common), like Hand Foot Mouth, which you will naively confuse with Hoof-Mouth disease.  You may even expect that at some point you will be vomited on.

But you don't consider that you will be covered in vomit while your heart breaks for the little guy who is also covered in vomit, sitting in a bed pooled in the same disgusting stuff.

And those are the sick times.  The gross stuff continues in the 'well times' also.  Who else (other an parents) can expect to have a 2-year old bring them a brown-coated stinky index finger for cleaning?

No, it wasn't boogers.

Yes, it was today.

No, I still don't know why she had poop on her finger but I am pretty sure I know how it got there.

This week has been particularly bad for us with one child vomiting (I ducked) and another child with pinworms, but it is nothing compared to the ordeal of our licecapades back on Mother's Day.

Wait what?

Did I just say PINWORMS like it was nothing?  Yes, I said it.  WORMS.  I am still squirming whenever I actually think of it.  How does a child in a developed country even get those?

Dirt.

Thumb sucking.

The little eggs are in the dirt.  My daughter LOVES to play in the dirt.  So then the thumb goes in her mouth as soon as she gets tired of digging.  Those little eggs travel down into her tummy/intestines where they hatch (GROSS) and the little worms live in the intestines.  It is just about the grossest NORMAL childhood issue.  In fact the CDC reports that prevalence of pinworms in the 'under age 18' population is 50%.  That means the half of all kids will get them at some time. ** If any of my friend's kids get them - sorry.  Really, I am. Call me and I will buy you the treatment myself. It is not likely but of course it is possible.  We treated everyone in our family with an over-the-counter remedy just in case.

Is it preventable? Sure.  Especially if your kid isn't an independent-minded-digger-thumbsucker.  For those of us who have kids who can't seem to keep their hands out of their mouths, the chance of infection will be greater.

So here we are, poop, vomit, worms, coughs and fever, all in a period of just a few days.  We had been healthy for a really long time so I guess we were due a bad week.  But this really is just another day in the life of a parent.  The nastiness of this job takes nothing away from the awesomeness of this calling.  We didn't sign up for kids because of the pay, or the glamour, or the ease.

We have kids because we are driven to do so by love.  

We love these little souls even in the poopie moments.  In these tough times, we are there for our kids and with our kids.  I may loose my temper today… let me rephrase… I already lost my temper once today… but that takes nothing away from the fact that I was up all night checking on, loving on, and taking care of these little people who desperately needed me.   In the dark of night, moms and dads are the people who run to try to 'catch' vomit.  Our kids see that and most importantly they feel that in the depths of who they are.   Much like having a co-worker who survived a tough case with you, or a travel partner who was there as you barely got home from a difficult trip,  a family grows together in the tough moments too.  We drop everything else and focus on what is important.  Showing love through our service to one another as we nurse the little ones back to good health.  So during this cold and flu season, know that you are not the only mamma out there loving on your little one and saying prayers that it doesn't spread to the rest of your clan.

Thanks for stopping by!

**And for my followers who actually know my family outside of the blog… please use discretion in discussing materials contained in this post with any of your own kids.  I wouldn't want my little ones to be social pariahs because there mom shared too much! Thanks!

Movie Review: Into the Woods

Great for grownups... but not a film for young kids

This is my first and perhaps my only movie review, but I feel compelled to review this film. Now before I go any further let me say that I categorize myself as "in the middle" when it comes to what I allow my kids to see and not see.  The kids don't see anything R rated (except Passion of the Christ) and I think we are fairly restrictive in what we let them watch.  The moral and attitude of the movie dictates.  I read reviews on Common Sense Media before they watch any movie or buy any video games.  Because of the age range (2 to 11) there are somethings that the boys have seen (Maleficient comes to mind) that we did not allow our little ones to see much to their disappointment.  So given that disclaimer of sorts, here is the review...

I love this story but it is not a kids story and yet it is being billed as a kid's story.  If you take your darling 5 and 6 year olds to see this film they may end up in tears - at the very least they will be confused - and you may just find yourself ticked that they 'messed up' some perfectly fine story-tales by interjecting violence and infidelity.  

Into the Woods is a merging of four classic fair tales - Cinderella, Rapunzel, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Little Red Riding-hood.  It was originally (and most popularly) a musical created by Steven Soundheim and hit Broadway in 1986.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2180411/

This adult story features a wolf with pedophile tendencies who stalks Little Red, a very dense Jack who, like in the classic story, trades his cow for magic beans and then loots the giant's castle, an indecisive and maybe commitment shy Cinderella (and her not so loyal prince), and Rapunzel, whose biological brother is desperate to have a baby with his loving wife.  The play brings these four characters together in the woods (this Into the Woods) as Little Red does her thing, Cinderella flees from the Prince, Jack tries to sell and reclaim his cow, and the baker (Rapunzel's brother) and his wife.

There are certainly a whole host of 'problems' with the characters in this show.  They are all very very flawed and they are designed to be such.  The entire premise of the story is "be careful what you wish for".  I won't spoil it for you,