Don't be Stingy: On giving compliments and sharing good things

An unexpected compliment, from an unexpected source, and my unanticipated joy led me to ponder a bit about compliments… 


This week I had the gift of spending time with Anthony (11) and Anna (2) while the other two little loves spent a few hours each morning at gymnastic camp.   One morning, we we went on the hunt for used books for Anthony's 6th grade book list.  My favorite used book store is attached to a cafe of sorts.  It was 11:00 so we stopped there for the kids to get a snack and for me to refill on coffee.  The place was busy, but we found a seat next to a handsome 70 year old gent who seemed amused by my talkative eldest and my constantly mobile youngest.  The seats are super close to one another so it was pretty easy for him to ease-drop as we discussed sharing the soup, added ice cubes and let it cool.

Once the kids got settled, I left them for just a few minutes so that I could check the classics rack against the reading list.   Striking out rather quickly, I returned.  The kids were doing as well as expected and we hung out another little while while they finished, but I got something unexpected as we got up to leave.  The gentleman next to us extended his hand to me with a big smile and, among other things, congratulated me on the job I was doing as a mom.  

Giving a complement takes just a moment and is one of the nicest and easiest things you can do. 

I can not express enough how great it feels to be complimented on my parenting.  I touched on this briefly a few months ago in Preaching by our Deeds (click here).  Parenting is the most public job is the world and measures of "success" are few and far between.   Even then, often we don't take credit for the success as I pointed out last week in the discussion on Locus of Control (click here). 

We all know how amazing it feels to be given a genuine compliment,  so why are we so stingy when it comes to sharing our own compliments and other good things?

Daddy Daughter Dance

We reached a new milestone this year - 

the Daddy Daughter Dance.

I new it would happen some day but I put it off as long as I could.  

Admission time- I put it off.  

I could have let them both know about this secret event held every year, but I didn't tell.   I knew they would both have fun.  They could have gone when she was a preschooler even though it is really for the K+ crowd. And they would both have fun.  So this year they went and had a wonderful time.  Which got me wondering why I didn't suggest they go earlier.  

How to Have a Healthy Locus of Control

One of the cool phenomenon that all psychology students learn about is called "locus of control".  This is a super concept for all parents to know about because understanding it a little better will help you both understand your own parenting better AND help you understand (and direct) your kids better.

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Locus of control is kind of your accountability center and relates to how much control you think you have over the outcome of a given situation.  When stuff goes well, do you attribute that to your own hard work or to luck? When things go poorly is it because of others (or bad luck), or because you failed?  The generation ahead of us would say it is the responsibility center - do you take responsibility for yourself or do you blame others or outside forces?


How we attribute our successes and failures, determines whether we are classified as having an internal or an external locus of control.   If you think that your success is because of your own awesomeness then you have an internal locus of control and vis-versa.

This is one of the those areas in psychology where gender differences are found.

Natural Family Planning: Safe and effective in a happy, healthy, marriage

This week is Natural Family Planning (NFP) awareness week so I figured I would open a potential can of worms (since my audience is NOT exclusively or even mostly Catholic), and write a little post about NFP.  When I became Catholic, I was a married mother of 2 and a contraceptive pill user.  It worked for us.  Really well.  We had spaced our two children roughly how we wanted them spaced.  My husband and I both feared that when I became Catholic the 'birth control thing' was going to be a hard hurdle to get over and we would end up with a dozen kids - back then we were still under the dilution that lots of kids was something other than an awesome thing.   So I came to NFP a bit reluctantly.  My engineer husband, who did not want to still have kids in diapers when he had kids in college, came to the first class even more reluctantly.

You get what you pay for…and 8 other truisms from our remodeling project

I feel like I could do a whole series on the experience of remodeling our bathroom,  but in an attempt to keep this post from diverging too far off topic, I will keep it to one long post.  

About a year & a half ago we started the mental part of remodeling our bathrooms.  I looked at photos and my husband and I sketched stuff out.  Our experience with remodeling prior to this was fairly hands on.  My dad and brother are super handy so growing up there was always something under construction. Before I was married, I lived with my brother in an 1912 (that is old for AZ) house that my dad was renovating in his spare time.  We pulled up the hardwood floors ourselves and stripped them down to re-lay.  I helped knock out the walls, stepped on a rusty nail, got Gig Gulps & burgers for everyone.  I am super handy.  By which I mean I know just enough to get by, and I know when I need to ask my husband or father to step in.  I have no problem encouraging THEM to help me out.  I am a really handy 'support' person.

When it came time to remodel our first bathroom, the idea of hiring someone never even came up.  All we were doing was painting and re-tiling the shower.  My husband learn to lay tile - he is an engineer and they can do everything.  I painted the bathroom a beautiful blue (oops!)  and then promptly re-painted it a dark brown. It turned out beautifully - 9 months later.   

This time, with 4 kids running around, we opted to hire a professional to take care of the job.  


We didn't change the footprint of the space, but we did shorten and widen the shower, add a shower head, and build in a linen cabinet.  It wasn't a complicated project, but it turned out to be a lot more complicated than we expected.  I know everything always takes longer than you think it will.  I knew that before we started.  But I wasn't expecting a 2 week project to drag on for 2 months. 


There are a couple of lessons I learned that I thought others may benefit, and after the little adventure I need to vent just a bit.  So here is what I have to share...

Circus Fun or Social Folly?

Ladies and Gentleman… Boys and Girls of all ages…

Ever since I was a little girl I have LOVED the circus. When I was about Gracie's age my parents took us to Circus World in Florida.

It was AMAZING. Actually - I remember very little - I know we got our faces painted because we had photos of that… but not much else.  Growing up we did NOT make going to the circus a regular thing.  I don't have any memories of ever going actually.  I am sure it was probably because of the cost associated with that entertainment - it is shockingly expensive!  As I matured my fascination of the 3 rings just grew.

For almost 150 years now the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus has been entertaining people with their acts and their animals. It was wonderful to share the excitement and fun with my kids (and spouse who thought I was a little crazy for wanting to go).  As my regular readers, know I have been seeking to play more this year.  As a birthday wish, I asked that in lieu of any party, the 6 of us we go to the circus. We saw it all.

Even the Chick-Fa-La cow outside.

Our local paper did a beautiful highlight of the show (complete with amazing photos) and my little phone won't do justice to the performance pictures so check out their review if you want more details.



We got there early enough for the pre-show and even got to try on the costumes.  After our recent lice-capades I was a little tentative to try on the acrobats garb… but I risked it anyway.

Don't Poke The Bear: Why it is okay to be grumpy once in a while.

In our house we have a warning "Don't poke the bear". 

It is code for two conditions:

mom has a headache 

or

mom didn't sleep enough last night

You know those mornings where you wake up and all you want to do it go back to sleep?  Those are the mornings when I warn the family - Yes, husband included...

Don't poke the bear. 

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One Thousand Gifts

Book Review: One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp

To Buy Book Click Here

A few years back a friend recommended I read One Thousand Gifts.  Voskamp is an author and blogger, a farmers wife and mother of six.  At first blush the book didn't pass the 50 page test. I put it aside but opted not to take it to the used bookstore for trade as I usually do.  Rather I re-shelved it in my 'going to read soon' pile.  



I have three piles - Currently Reading (overflowing from my nightstand), Going to Read Soon (neatly lined on my writing desk), and The Book Shelf.  Actually there are three book shelves.   Once it is on a bookshelf it is almost a certainty that it won't come out again.  Those are mostly reference books and classics or favorites to lend and share with others.

Because of the recommendation, I kept One Thousand Gifts near but I wasn't crazy about it.  In fact someone suggested it for our small group and I vetoed it.   It was poetic.  Lots of adjective and not enough verbs.  Run-on sentences and incomplete thoughts.  I want action, I want the purpose to be clear, I want efficiency in writing.  I am so glad I gave it another chance.

This book is amazing and life changing.

This summer did you go on a Family Trip or a Vacation?

A few months back I posted the first little essay in what was to be a series on our summer vacation… It was all about getting a passport for a glorious although undetermined trip to somewhere exotic.  Well the reservations are made and the exotic place is…

OXNARD, CA

Just 6 hours away.  No passport required.  No air travel required.  No customs required.  About 1/10th the price of the plane tickets elsewhere. 

So it isn't very exotic, but right about now I am ready to go anywhere to escape the triple digits.  For those reading from some place outside of Arizona - yes it is a dry heat - but 113 is just not pleasant.  

As I get ready for this grand vacation I have to remind myself that it is really a Family Trip not a Vacation.

According to Merriam-Webster 

A vacation is

"a respite or time of respite from something". 

A trip is 

"to journey to somewhere".

A time of respite (vacation)  versus a journey to somewhere (trip)

My kids travel well.  I am sure it has to do with the fact that we let them play with all sorts of fun electronic devises while we drive.  I am not ashamed to plug them in for a few hours.  The devices only last 2 of the 6 hours - we don't let them play the whole time,  but they feel like this is the only time we say "yes" whenever they ask so they have a good attitude generally.  And then the batteries die.  Please don't tell them about car chargers.  We also bring way too much other stuff- snacks, music, treasure box, books, Madlibs… they are all fun and wonderful things that we work into the mix to make the time fly by.  

It is a lot of work and leaves me with very little leg room. The car it packed to the windows.  Most of the drive I am sitting