I used to think that problems, no matter how big or small, were
so much more easily fixed when they were someone ELSE’S problems. It was frustratingly simple for me – the
one not experiencing the problem.
Marital problems were the easiest. Work less, play more, save more, spend less, talk more, date
more, cheat less whatever. It seemed
so simple.
So why didn’t the actual ‘players’ in the problem see the
same solution?
And the answer I came up with, was that those in the
conflict DO see the same solution, they just lacked the follow through to fix
the situation. They didn’t lack
the awareness, they lacked the means,
self-control, commitment, or willingness.
Then I shared my brilliant idea with my sister and dearest
friend. And because she is honest,
she offered another option and in doing so gave me a beautiful but gentle dose
of humility.
She said simply “Sometimes people don’t tell you the WHOLE
story”.
Oh, well that changes things. She pointed out that things are simpler for people not in the
conflict because those not involved
only have some of the data. For instance, maybe there are financial
or health problems being kept secret.
Maybe matters about which you are unaware complicate things even more
than you can imagine.
So next time you find your self thinking “why doesn’t she
just…”, stop and realize that it may be that she doesn’t care enough to change
the situation OR it may be a lot more complicated and she may be trying to do just what you think she
should do. In either case she
needs your prayers and encouragement not your judgment.
Moreover, the next time you
are stuck in a problem, give your trusted friend the whole story and ask her for
help crafting a solution. If it is
a workable plan then commit to her for some accountability in your actions and
maybe you can get through it together.
