Friday, February 21, 2014

Other Peoples Problems and Honesty Among Friends…

I used to think that problems, no matter how big or small, were so much more easily fixed when they were someone ELSE’S problems.  It was frustratingly simple for me – the one not experiencing the problem. 

Marital problems were the easiest.  Work less, play more, save more, spend less, talk more, date more, cheat less whatever.  It seemed so simple. 

So why didn’t the actual ‘players’ in the problem see the same solution?

And the answer I came up with, was that those in the conflict DO see the same solution, they just lacked the follow through to fix the situation.  They didn’t lack the awareness, they lacked the means, self-control, commitment, or willingness. 

Then I shared my brilliant idea with my sister and dearest friend.  And because she is honest, she offered another option and in doing so gave me a beautiful but gentle dose of humility.

She said simply “Sometimes people don’t tell you the WHOLE story”. 

Oh, well that changes things.  She pointed out that things are simpler for people not in the conflict because those not involved only have some of the data.  For instance, maybe there are financial or health problems being kept secret.  Maybe matters about which you are unaware complicate things even more than you can imagine.  

So next time you find your self thinking “why doesn’t she just…”, stop and realize that it may be that she doesn’t care enough to change the situation OR it may be a lot more complicated and she may be trying to do just what you think she should do.  In either case she needs your prayers and encouragement not your judgment.

Moreover, the next time you are stuck in a problem, give your trusted friend the whole story and ask her for help crafting a solution.  If it is a workable plan then commit to her for some accountability in your actions and maybe you can get through it together.
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